Needing advice

Summerisle7 · 2020-10-28T20:52:55+00:00

That's horrible, I'm so sorry you've been through this. I'm assuming you have a lawyer already and have done all the arguing for custody that's possible, and the current arrangement is the final one. Unbelievable that a convicted felon and his equally lowlife spouse are actually given custody of children.

Please be as grey rock as possible. Communicate only about your shared children and only with information needed to confirm schedules or drop offs and pickups. No arguing or debating or rehashing the past. Don't tell him anything that goes on in your house. Don't mention his wife and don't respond if he tries to bring her up. I suggest using Our Family Wizard to talk, which is an app that records everything. No phone calls, texts, or emails. When dropping off or picking up the children, don't be drawn into conversation. NEVER go into their house or allow them inside yours.

Why do you need to have videochats with him? Do you mean he's chatting with the kids? If these chats are actually ordered by the court and you're really needed to set these up, then do it as quickly as possible, then leave the room. If the kids can't or won't talk to him once the chat starts, that's not your problem. If these chats are not ordered by a judge, stop doing them. He can talk to the kids when it's his visitation time.

Document his and his wife's behavior, if there are any developments that pose a danger to the kids, let your lawyer know about it right away.

Seek therapy for yourself and possibly for your children. You've been abused and you need support to work through it and be healthy again

You might try posting this to r/ custody or r/ coparenting, they get a lot of these extreme situations there. Good luck hon, you are NOT alone.

Buckley92 · 2020-10-29T02:14:43+00:00

Right. So...

Get a decent lawyer that accepts legal aid/won't ask for payment upfront. Ask at women's shelters.

Go back to court. Eventually you should reapply for more custody and child support, but for now, you need to apply for a program called Our Family Wizard.

It's a video calling app. It's user pays but your ex husband would have to pay not you (as long as you insisted).

It's for divorced families with a parent or grandparent who is abusive but still needs to interact with the other party.

A judge needs to order it.

It operates like Whatsapp, except that only people with an app account set up by the court have access to it. AND, the court staff monitor any and every text, picture, email, voice message and call sent over this app. All calls are recorded and admissable as evidence. So if your ex lets his affair partner use his acount to talk to your child, they will know. If he is abusive, they will know.

A judge can also order him to only communicate using the app, and temporarily or permanently ban him from it for misuse.

You should tell him straight you don't like him and don't like his new gf and don't want her around your child.

Do the forced video calls, but if he brings new gf on, tell her to leave or you will hang up. Then do.

Any verbal abuse, threats etc, hang up. Any talk unrelated to the kids, ask him once, then hang up.

Make sure you record the call. If you have a two party state, just say, 'I'm recording this', not, 'Can I record it?' If he says no, tell him it's just for legal and you won't show his boss or family or anything. If still no, say, 'Ok, you're free to hang up and we can do this another day.' If he starts arguing, stay calm and repeat yourself. One party state has no need to say anything.

Title	Needing advice
Author	SuccessfulAppeal333
Upvotes	50
Comments	4
Date	October 28, 2020 6:48 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/jjtrwh/needing_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/needing-advice.1068277 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068277

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