Final victim puke. I need help figuring out what I have been dealing with for years:

Stats: married 8 years, together 9 years. She’s 35 and I’m 37.

Description of what Ive been married to:

High IQ single mom when I met her. Child was 2. He calls me Dad and I am his Dad (only good thing to come out of this besides some hard lessons learned).

Has a very youthful appearance/acts cute and shy around strangers but can become extremely volatile.

Very little empathy or emotions whatsoever except during times where she’s looking to gain something. Any strong emotion by others is seen as weak. Claimed she didn’t shed any tears at birth of son. Highly unsympathetic.

Uses/ rarely calls her mother except for babysitting or other things she needs. This is pretty much the case for everyone in her life where contact is only for when she needs something.

Cut off all ties to my mom and sister after a few disagreements. They both now tell me she was just using me/wanted a caretaker. I was in denial and somewhat still am.

Uncontrollable rage including hitting herself. Mostly attention seeking.

The words “I’m sorry” or “I made a mistake” are not in her vocabulary.

Threatened to kill herself with child upstairs when I was on the phone/driving to work telling her I was going to call the cops after she pushed me. Later said it was only to get me to not call the cops and she’s “never even considered hurting herself in her life”, which I believe.

Step sister stated she’s “always been selfish”

Works in the medical field yet has zero empathy for patients. Constantly complained about how weak or stupid they are.

Father abandoned her while mother was pregnant. Stated once in an argument that “men are trash”.

New job this year where she was “cutting off a toxic environment” (it probably was). Making enough money to support herself now. Delivered news of appointment for separation agreement rather nonchalantly. Granted, I did nuke/threaten divorce a week or so prior because part of me always knew I was involved in crazy but I could never pull the trigger due to son. Stated she “loved this house” but couldn’t deal with the fighting any more. Most of the fighting occurred over insignificant things. A single complaint by me was a blow to her ego since perfection was intolerable to her. Her separation decision was after child became independent (11 years old) and after 8 years of marriage. Did a good job of getting her weight down this year (just as she did when she met me then put it right back on). She was living with her mom when I met her and didn’t have enough to support herself. Says she now feels numb and no longer wants to try/can’t handle the fighting. Wants to be independent and somehow falsely believes she was so when I met her.

Always deleting everything off her phone because she once “accidentally sent a text message to someone she was talking shit about”. Granted she is OCD about cleaning and eating (dieted pretty much the whole marriage then would binge for a few months - yes a likely eating disorder) so this might not be anything.

Vicarious living/ Derives sense of self from child. Overbearing and likely unhealthy attachment. WISNIFG opened my eyes to her manipulation tactics on him. Created what looks like could lead to a codependent child. He would end up sleeping with her when I was gone for work up to like 10 years old and recently slept with her again at age 11(this time she blamed it on not wanting me to wake her up). Somehow always involved him in our arguments - would call out to him so he’d wake up or get involved. She knew it would hurt me. Once put him on the phone when I was talking about divorce and said “tell him what you’re doing right now”.

Zero interest in my achievements or supporting my work events. Pretty significant events where spouses are expected to attend.

Claims there’s no one else but is about to move into an apartment after living in a great house. I can’t help but doubt that. Probably has something /someone in mind (she’s a meticulous planner). Don’t care but we’ll see.

We met when she was working with my mother and she turned on the charm (sweet helpless young girl got knocked up by a bad guy, who, BTW was married with kids but that part didn’t come out until later). My parents would have her over to hang out with the boy/buy him stuff etc. Mom told her how I was “good with money”. She ends up around the house when I came over and I take interest. First date she claims “we’re a package deal” (as if I didn’t already know that, but now that word choice is interesting). Strong passion/sex drive along with my love of the idea of making a child’s life better/playing CPT save-a-hoe got me hooked.

BTW, she claims to have seen “ghosts/shadow people” since she was a child. Once took off running out of her sleep down the hallway until I caught her. Not sure how that’s relevant but hey, it has entertainment value.

There’s more but I’ve probably been repressing most of this shit.

WTF:

Anyway, more and more I believe I fed into this/became or started as a codependent. I wanted to be the child’s dad/give him a good life and do what I thought was what a good man should do by my wife and son. Now I’m fighting this internal battle to figure out what happened over these years. Confused does not begin to describe it. So many red flags and I feel like I’ve been living a huge fucking lie. I’ve seriously been fucked up the last few weeks with a prolonged pain, anger, and grief that I’ve never felt but am leaning into. Weird how she seems to be a robot about this shit but says her feelings have been building up over time and she’s just accepted it.

She knew I wouldn’t leave due to my own issues despite something in me telling me to run and it coming out in arguments. We’re constantly told not to listen to anger but now it seems my anger was my most honest shit. I’m sure she has a laundry list of my BS as well.

But what the hell is up with this woman?

Lucifers daughter or what the hell have I been living with?