I just took the pill a few weeks ago. Now I spend 4-5 hours reading TRP everyday. I feel like I've been shaken awake.

Here's the story: I've been in a LTR for 3 years and now. Was stationed in Japan, found a japanese girl who I fell for. I feel like we have history (Stayed with me through deployments, helped me learn Japanese, fun memories together, supported me when I was in some pretty fucking rough places in life, we even planned out getting married). I have a fetish for asian girls so I think that's contributing to my ONEitis, but I don't think I can do it anymore.

Heres why: -She put's her needs before mine. -Neglects my needs (Sex/Intimacy/Romance) I've constantly told her this is what from the relationship but she refused to provide it. She's terrible at being intimate and has flat out refusals rejecting my intimacy. -Doesn't respect my time. (Never on time, always late) and has no problem making me wait indefinitely. -Has no trouble accepting my emotional support while not recripocating.

I know that ultimately these things are my fault because I let her do them to me. I just got off the phone today and told her I was done with her. She cried and begged me not to go and that she would do a better job (She's said this before) I nexted her two years ago for the exact same reasons, and things got better for a while (or maybe I was just fooling myself). She begged me for another chance (even though I've given her many already). I told her I need to think about it for a day.

Honestly I really wanted her to change, but I just don't believe it's within her capacity. I think the real reason she doesn't want to break up is because she doesn't want to let go of her BB (even though I've never been a provider for her) She said something along the lines, "Is it alright to let everything we have go to waste?". Even if she could change I don't think we could ever be intimate to the level that I want. (You can't compromise desire) I'm just having a hard time letting go of my ONEitis. My SMV is fine, I already started prospecting plates. It's that I wanted things to work out with her.

TLDR: I need someone to punch me in the dick and wake me up, thanks.

Edit: "I'm sorry for hurting you. I couldn't care about you. I only thought about myself. You may not believe me but I feel so sorry for that. If you forgive me again I'll do my best for us."