Earning your keep

To those of you who aren’t earning your keep, you’re making it harder for the rest of us. And here’s what I have to say to you:

It’s downright frustrating when my buddy and I are at the bar, and your wife/girlfriend/master is intentionally encroaching on us while you sit and look pissy doing nothing to stop her.

We look like we’re on a cruise somewhere warm and sunny surrounded by boobies and being gifted boat drinks and you look like you’re already dead or mentally trying to make yourself dead. Now, we don’t care what you do but please do something. Do SOMETHING idc what, but tell her to knock it the fuck off and when she doesn’t (she won’t) get the fuck up, leave and don’t ever look back. I know you see her because you’re looking at me and my buddy like it’s our fault your gal would rather be on a perceptible vacation with us than watching you die. Newsflash: it’s not our fault. We are just here to have fun. And somewhere along the line your woman stopped respecting you which is why she’s brazen enough to act this way. You’ll get that respect by not tolerating this shit. If not from her, from one of the millions of others there are out there that turn legal each day.

Blah blah your biggest superpower is walking away, rant over.

But now, for some bonus material:

Here’s a small non comprehensive list of things I like to tell girls (children) you should imprint into your vocabulary to the extent that when prompted you reflexively spit them out of your mouth and have already moved onto the next thing by the time the comment has even registered with said children:

(Always remember how you say this is as important as the part I’ve already done for you… more on that later, maybe)

I don’t do shit for (b)itches (when asked to comply) Shut up (when shit tested at all, use liberally) Grow up Don’t look at me like that Mind your own business You’ll learn someday Shut your pie hole Dumbshit Smartass Shithead Make me That sounds made up Do you have any idea what you’re doing?

As someone else smarter than me said around here before (sorry idk who for the attribution)

Women don’t want pussies, they already have them.