I'm seeing a distressing trend in advice that many women give to each other, that, ironically enough, amounts to nothing but victim blaming. I'm sure that some of you here have heard the trope by now. That a woman should always ask a potential partner about his last few relationships, and that if he states that any of, god forbid, multiple of his ex-girlfriends were mentally unstable/abusive, that he may in fact, be the abusive one.

There's so many intricate hypocrisies contained within this concept, that it's hard to list them all. But I think the main one is is this. Victim blaming is bad, except apparently when the victim is a man. Then it's a question of whether his abuse happened at all, and if it did, what he may have done to cause it. Throw in a bit of of that good old "I had previous experiences where other men lied about their exes", and this sexism is suddenly perfectly justified in their minds.

I've seen numerous women make false accusations in my lifetime. Does this mean that any time a woman tells me she has been physically or mentally abused, that I immediately doubt her? Absolutely not. You would rightfully be condemned as sexist for doing so. But apparently, it's not only perfectly fine, but in fact, a brilliant strategy to unveil "misogyny" to ask the following things of men:

"I always asked first dates: "What could you have done better in your last relationship?" Or "what part did you play in the reason why your last relationship ended?" Someone with a toxic ego won't admit any fault. Someone who hates women will call all his exes crazy."

My last two relationships ended, not by any fault of my own, and I refuse to pretend they did. I was emotionally abused, among other forms of abuse I don't feel the need to delve into here. But apparently, it's perfectly fine to sit a man down, knowing nothing of the past abuse he may have suffered, and ask him to plumb the depths of his mind to find some fault he committed in those relationships. This is pure gas-lighting. This comment sits at 93 upvotes in another, well-known sub-Reddit. Here's another one that's even better:

"Yes! My now husband wouldn't say a bad word about his ex wife. He just said they tried to make it work, went to counseling together, and that he'd learned a lot from the counseling. I had to hear from his friends the crazy things she did and said. We've been happily married for 23 years!"

Ah, absolutely fantastic. So it's a mark of his character that your beloved husband refuses to acknowledge the mental and physical abuse his ex-wife put him through. He's such a good one, for never complaining about or vilifying his abuser. The real blackpill? This comment sits at 131 upvotes.

Sure, most of us have relationships where both parties played some part in the relationship ending. But this rhetoric is not about that. This rhetoric is about victim-blaming. It's about how "good" male survivors don't ever talk about what's happened to them. Meanwhile, women are allowed to post about their disdain and distrust for all of the male gender on spaces like TwoX, simply because of their experiences with a handful of ex-boyfriends.

I suppose the point of this post, is to expose this double standard, and to tell my fellow brothers something. You don't have to answer these questions, and if someone demands you find a way for you to feel guilty about abuse you suffered, or doubts you for expressing your history of abuse, fuck 'em. And for the women who perpetuate this abhorrent standard, THIS is why so many men continue to stifle their emotional development. How fucking dare you?