(tl;dr at bottom)

Here is the written part of the police report which I just got today because a Tinder girl wanted proof that my story really happened and that I got the police involved:

John Doe said sometime in January, 2017 (between the 8th and 11th) he met a man named Cody (could not provide any more information on this person) while taking Finance classes at Heavener Hall. John Doe said they became friends since they were both from the Lakeland area. John Doe said I run the best game, I'm so good at gaming when it comes to women, but only been a player for 6 months now. John Doe said I was running the hottest game of my life and wanted to impress Cody that day by proving to him how easily women can be manipulated into having a threesome. John Doe said he had his hidden camera all set up at home to record the threesome in case any of the women wanted to claim sexual battery later on.

John Doe was disappointed to find that the Finance class had 26 people, and of those 26, only 6 were women. John Doe had to look elsewhere for women for the threesome. John Doe met an Asian female in the hallway in front of room 215 and was running the best game on her by speaking Chinese and telling her he was also Chinese. John Doe said he made the woman laugh and about 5-10 minutes later, he manipulated the woman into agreeing to a threesome. John Doe said they were going to convince the womans roommate to get involved in the threesome. John Doe said he could not have a threesome with 2 girls of the same race, so he was happy he found the Chinese woman. While in front of room 215, in the hallway, John Doe said the woman slid her hand into his shorts and started rubbing the head of his penis. John Doe said it took about 20 seconds then he had an omission which he described as an ejaculation. John Doe said although he wanted the woman to stop, he allowed her to continue, because he did not want to ruin the threesome planned for later. John Doe said he didnt have an omission since December 11th, 2016 and was very upset that the woman ruined his mojo which in turn ruined the threesome. John Doe said he then called the woman a Chinese bitch. John Doe said because of the womans actions, he also had to lie to Cody that the threesome actually happened. John Doe described the woman as 5'2" tall, black hair, 100 lbs. or less and chubby. John Doe does not remember what the woman was wearing but remembered that she had her stuff out of her backpack. John Doe does not have a name or phone number for the woman.

When asked about other incidents that happened on campus, John Doe said he was offended that some blonde girls at the law school told him he looked like a school shooter. John Doe said that day he was also running a great game and was trying to find some law school pussy. John Doe asked some random guy at the law school where he could find some and was told to go the reception desk. John Doe asked the receptionist and was told to go to the 2nd floor. John Doe went to the second floor and saw some blonde girls and went over to speak to them. John Doe said he was a fearless guy and can manipulate any woman, so he was very offended when the girls told him he looked like a school shooter. John Doe said he was offended because he is not that kind of guy, and he would never do that. John Doe said he snapped a picture of the girls and sent it to his friend Benjamin Smith. When asked about Smith, John Doe said that Smith had a good heart but was confused, and socially oblivious. John Doe said Smith suffered from asperger's syndrome, but assured us that Smith was not going to hurt anyone, and that Smith had no mens rea. John Doe said I swear hes a good dude of Smith. Before we left, John Doe said he is now a she and identified as a transgender as of January 7th, 2017. John Doe said she would like use the name "Lacey Doe" in this report, mainly so that the report could say jerked off ladys penis.

Not everything I told the police made it into the police report. In fact, they cherry-picked what I said to make me look as irrational as humanly possible. When I'm manic I have superhuman abilities and can make women's nipples become hard and their peaches become wet by doing a modified "compliance ladder" (which you can read about on PUA-lingo website).

This makes women go crazy and think you're a God and I'm fearless enough (when manic) to approach beautiful woman in real life and ask to demonstrate (and I'm able to convince them to agree). I was in college 5 years ago when this all happened.

Basically a Chinese girl gave me "premature ejaculation" which ruined my libido and ruined my mania, which ruined my shot of having my first threesome in 2016. (I later had a 3some in Tijuana Mexico with 2 prostitutes who I paid to pretend to be my girlfriend).

This police report was not meant so I could share it on reddit -- it was meant for a Tinder girl but now that I have it -- I give the guys at TRP full permission to roast me and make fun of me, lol.

TL;DR: Police wrote a sillly, nonsensical police report about my failed threesome and a girl from Tinder didn't believe me so I officially asked for the police report on Oct 11th and they finally fucking sent it to me on Oct 26th (today).