If anyone, of any gender, is getting overly aggressive or intense in a conversation, it is perfectly appropriate to let them know this. Whatever language you use, the message that needs to be communicated is that the person needs to take the energy down in order for the conversation to proceed in a healthy manner. Whether you say “Calm down”, “Let’s take it down a notch”, “Please relax, you’re making me uncomfortable”, whatever it is, it’s a perfectly reasonable request to make. In my experience, however, it is fairly common for women to consider it offensive and inappropriate to tell them anything equivalent to “calm down”.