TLDR:

  • Changed my name
  • Joined Military
  • Don't keep contact with my family or old friends
  • Last i heard they think i'm dead
  • Lie about my past any time someone asks me about it
  • I have no one i can confide to, and thoroughly hate myself

...

On the plus side, i'm in excellent shape, have money, have a car, am learning an instrument and another language, and getting a tax payer subsidized education.

Full Version: My mother was born in Eastern Europe, got pregnant (Late nineties) and moved to the US because she didn't want to marry the gentleman, and single mothers are frowned upon in that country (and rightfully so).

As RP dogma dictates, single mothers are unfit to raise children, she's mentally ill, as well as physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. She worked as a stripper the 18 years i lived with her (she was quite good looking in her youth, she's since ballooned to an obscene weight).

At about 16 i realized that if i don't want to be a virgin loser my entire life i need to get in shape and started doing just that, i discovered the RP shortly there after and they really reinforced that, as well as added into the whole self improvement mentality, being your own hombre, and not taking shit from other people. I liked it. And it's worked.

After really getting into Mad Men two years ago, i had the idea pop into my head of changing my name and running my way. At the end of Senior year i did just that, i changed it from something less disgustingly ethnic to something more anglo-saxon.

On the second to last day of school i went to the office, asked for my diploma (they obliged), went home, packed my shit, and moved in with a distant relative in the nearest major metropolitan area, the last thing my mother said to me was "Go fuck yourself", in her native tongue of course.

I lived with that relative for 6 months, and attended a semester of college there, until i realized that being an adult is fucking hard, and expensive. I sold my soul to Uncle Sam, and promptly packed by bags again.

Here i am, i've got no friends, no family, nobody. Anytime someone asks me "Where are you from" i lie, "Where is your family from" (based on my surname), i lie. etc...

Idk what to do. I've got a girl, temporarily until i get my mental health together to go catch some bigger fish, and i have some acquaintances i hang out with, and i have money, am in shape, and am learning an instrument and a third language, all as per the RP (and i'm glad i do), but i can't shake the feeling that I'm severely fucked, and that everything i going wrong, and my life is a complete falsity and if anyone ever found out they'd hate me.

Idk...

I feel like i made the wrong choice, but i'm not sure what the alternative is.

This is more of a rant than anything, i apologize for that, but i'm looking for advice, in some way shape or form.