I know you get your heart broken, someone is going to disappoint you, not everyone is going to like you, you won’t get along with everyone, you are going to get bullied for something out of your control, I get it. It’s life. It just seems horrible,malicious, unnatural when it’s coming from the person who gave birth to you. I don’t understand. I can’t wrap my head around it. The worst thing is that I don't know how to explain it to my 7 year old. When he asks “why doesn’t mom call?” I need someone to know that my funny, outgoing, extroverted, happy son is slowly disappearing in front of my eyes and I can't do anything to stop it.

I've seen so many changes in him and it’s heartbreaking. Stealing lunches at school because he “feels bad asking for food at home”. He never asks for food until I initiate mealtime. Her child support pays for “extras” which aren't extravagant. A box of snacks so he has one from home instead of the baggie of slimy apple slices he gets in pity from the cafeteria.

He doesn’t have friends at school so books “help him not be sad at recess”. He begs me everyday to bring his cat to school because he has a hoodie harness and kids will “think he is cool since his cat is cool”. The thought process he has when thinking he has to do something other than just be himself to make a friend is heartbreaking.

He would cry at school due to his anxiety and abandonment issues from his mom, so kids thought he was weird. He used to call me everyday from school to make sure I still want him and make sure I am waiting for him. Huge milestone, he finally believes that I’ll be here but that is just a small amount of progress.

Friday is the last day to pay for a field trip and to pay for a spring sport he has been begging me to let him do. I've asked the school and the coaches if there is a fundraiser or something we could do to raise the money and I'm told the “charity” spots are already filled/spoken for. I was going to use child support to cover these things but guess what? I woke up today to no payment and a message from my ex wife that things are tight and the boys needed new things so she has no money in her account. My son doesn't get to do the things he has been begging for.

The boys she is referring to are her new boyfriends kids who she let torture my son, who thought he could take my sons phone away so he couldn't contact me, and who she brought to our custody hearing last month. She didn’t say a word to my son. She was laughing with her boyfriend's boys while we waited. I had to sit and watch my son watch them with tears in his eyes. He asked me “Mom has known me my whole life, why is she picking them?”.

I thought it was a cliche when you hear about a woman moving her new boyfriend in after dating for a week and allowing him to take over the house, “overlook/downplay” abuse, and be okay with losing the child she gave birth to. She wanted a divorce after my accident where I lost my leg because she was no longer attracted to me. I gave her everything without a fight because I wanted my son's transition easier on him after I moved out. Biggest mistake of my life because now I know what a monster she is.

TL:DR; There are days I'm okay with my new life situation but there are also days where I miss the comfort and “home” feeling she gave me to the point where I feel like I'm drowning. I can’t imagine the pain he goes through by missing her and not having the chance for any kind of escape/distraction because she puts others before him. He is only 7 for f*cks sake.