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CantCopeAnymore24 Archive

View 12 posts and 73 comments by CantCopeAnymore24 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

With you on the boundaries thing. It sucks what you give up trying to be the "good" spouse or dad. Weaker and weaker by the day. Possibly nicer, too, but the atrophy to be able to defend yourself mentally. You and I gotta shape up. I know you in the past, you wouldn't let this shit happen to you. Put yourself as a young man. You may not have had the wisdom, but damn did you know your enemies, and you were never friends with them. Well, talk to that man and have him tell you what's obvious moment…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 03:10 AM
4

Thank you for this. Divorced in Feb. My situation is nearly identical. 50/50 but im taking our 6yo daughter more and more. Which is good because of the medical and mental issues she's going through, and I can provide help for thar now. Last weekend, though, hit a breaking point. I put too much stress on myself, and I had a breakdown. I had to bring my daughter to my parents 2 hours away because I was non functioning. Took a whole week off (claimed covid). I'm piecing things back together, but th…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 12:38 AM
2

similar boat. Ex wife cant hold a job, but she wont let go of her apartment. She's trying to start a new life (finding a man to support her i guess), and our 6yp daughter is caught in the middle. I'm welcoming her with open arms more and more days her mom asks me to "help". I'm providing structure, a clean house, a healthy lifestyle, and fair but firm expectations for her over here. I have her every day except Wed and Thu evenings, and even last week she "needed a break" (from what?) I'm recordi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 02:28 AM
7

Listen to your lawyer. False allegations are not uncommon, and she can thank every other lying woman out there that this tactic doesnt work as well as they think. Also, if I were a woman of true abuse, this shit would piss me off because some people do speak the truth and sometimes theyre not heard. It's despicable for your wife to lash out and try to hurt you. It solves nothing. Clearly she's a person who has little control over her emotions, and I'm glad you're getting out of it. My ex threw m…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 06:18 PM
3

Very similar situation here. Hit my 30s and suddenly wanted a child. Told myself I would make the next time I fell in love work. Married a single mother of a 3yo. Well, she had 3 other kids, but she hasnt been able to raise any of them due to her lacking life skills and responsibility (see the others ocassionally). She and I added our 5th, and it was dysfunctional from marriage year 1 until year 6. I pressed for divorce at year 3 (sitting outside the lawyers office with papers signed). She convi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 06:00 PM
1

There was no reason to. We had no real assets by the end if it. Only debts. Child support would be the only thing financially between us, and they dont give an f about this for the calculations.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 10:04 PM
2

Same. Sold my retirement to pay off her premartital collections debt. Finances were a pain point for us, so I thought a fresh start from 0 would make it work for us. It didn't. She kept spending. She kept not working. Her 3 kids kept eating (joking about this one). We could have made it work if she had listened to me or had self control. Horrible mistake on my end.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 03:00 PM
6

I've always done WAY better when I've been single. The difference this time is I absolutely do not want a relationship, and I couldnt be happier. I have too much going right now for another woman to come mess things up for me. And I have my daughter that has all of my love and attention. The attraction to women is still there, and there have been moments that could have lead to dates, but it's not for me right now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 01:26 AM
1

Thanks. This is exactly it. I need to push myself on my days off from my daughter to plan amd prepare for the days with her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 03:50 AM
2

Similar situation. 6yo. As men, we're working from a defecit. I'm more than triple the parent she is. She would be classified as passive, permissive. I do everything for my daughter, including providing everything she wants while having high demands and being fair. Unfortunately, the courts and agencies don't have the resources to look into your situation that closely. To have any merit, you need to document, document, and document. Record every time you have them, and any significance that your…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 03:52 AM
1

Yes a couple over the years. It'a not my type of thing. Talking is great, but there's a lot of social pressure to "join us or it's pointless". That and the God thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 12:01 PM
3

Good point. thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 12:46 AM
3

Can you get help from family or friends? Have you any experience with mental illness before? I mean this in the very best that these are situations that people go into hospitals for. I'm not telling you that you need to, but you need to find some help IRL. We're all here to support you as best we can, but we can only do so much from here.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:27 AM
2

You mentioned how a lot of things are pointless. What's your highest priority? Do you have any children?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:07 AM
22

Now that I have a 6yo daughter, I can't overstate how much childhood and parenting factor into what a person becomes. What I've noticed with my daughter (and ex step daughters) is how quickly they are to be amused, how quickly they find happiness and bliss, and how so much of modern life is geared towards providing this for them. While it sounds great (and it is), there is a cost to having a strictly hedonistic start to life. There's no counterbalance. The most well adjusted, healthy people are …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:01 AM
1

Take that care and put it towards your child when you have one. They are more important than any adult. Changing her mind could have been more life changing if you chose to stay together. It could have stopped you from having the child you want, for her sake. The divorce will open up that opportunity again for you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 04:42 AM
1

Yeah it's like lying and pretending is more destructive than the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 04:36 AM
3

I feel you. The part that connects the most to me is never having a child. Were you ever on the same page on this topic? My opinion. You are certainly not too old. I was almost 32 when my daughter was born. It is wonderful that you want to be a father. You are exactly the type of person who we need to be a parent. It's hard, but you will get through this in time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 12:40 AM
8

Can I suggest staying positive about marriage when you're around your friend? For his sake. I agree, marriage is for the woman. She gets her day in the sunlight with all the attention she could ask for. She gets her fairy tale happily ever after dream fulfilled. She gets to lock down a man to provide for her and her children for the rest of her life. Thankfully you know the truth. There's about a 90% chance your friend is going to be in a terrible place 3 years from now. And either he goes throu…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 11:12 AM
5

I'm gonna go midway. Alcohol by itself isn't the problem. You started doing it for a reason. I'm sure you've had some success separating the alcohol from the family (drinking away from them, not being hung over around them, etc.). However, it's not invisible, and it will be even less so over time. At the same time, I can understand your frustration. Alcohol isn't the root issue. It sounds like it goes back further. And if your wife acts like my ex did, she's quick to go to extreme labels, so I'l…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 02:46 AM
2

"She gets spiteful over anything she feels she's not getting equally." I read the whole post, but that was the definitive statement that resonated with my past situation. Our daughter was about 2 when I had the same realization. I kept complaining that "everything is economical between us". Not in a financial sense, but in comparing what she did with what I did. Counting duties and comparing who did what. It was exhausting. I moved out about that time, but she manipulated me to go back. For the …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/22 08:10 PM
5

I'm (37) in the same situation. 4th month post divorce, and I've been busy rebuilding my life. This problem is fast approaching for me. It's the first time in my life that I want the woman but not the companion. My whole life I could only be with a woman if there were feelings involved and a potential for a relationship. So the idea of an escort was out of the picture. Also personal pride stopped me from doing that. But divorce took away all pride I had about love and relationships. I am more th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 08:44 PM
6

100%. It's going to take a long time to recover in so many ways. And even then. The most happy I've been is when I'm single. The 5 or 6 relationships I've had, women have all sucked out my happiness out for theirs.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 11:53 PM
2

It sucks if you still have feelings. I know. But from a man to man perspective, you will be gutted if you do not preserve yourself. That means you need to be ready to not get back together, hooking up, or being friends... however good of an idea it may seem. It's never a good idea to stay friends. Never. Even if you're on good terms, don't do it. Make your way to the exit, however rocky. Even if you have missteps, keep moving towards the exit. If you don't have any children, consider yourself lu…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/22 12:22 AM
2

Let it run its course, but make sure you're moving in the right direction. You aren't alone with what happened. It really sucks when you think you found a good marriage for your children and it falls apart. Whatever the reason, it hurts the most for your children knowing the life you had planned for them. Some times we are forced to rebuild our lives. I can tell you first hand that you can be an even better parent by yourself. I know what it's like walking on eggshells, and that can be severely …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 09:02 PM
3

I could disagree, but I'm not going to because I'm indifferent.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 02:57 AM
3

Ill give you a sarcastic, ficticious like right now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 01:51 AM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 01:39 AM
1

Hi, I'm going through something very close with my daughter, 6. I'm taking her full time because her mom is going through a major meltdown. How long have you been separated? How was the family dynamic when you were together? Did he know how bad things were, or was it a complete shock to him? My heart goes out to you because I know that a divorce is nothing compared to seeing your child crumble. If I may suggest some things. Be honest with your son, age appropriate. Dishonesty trying shelter them…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 06:26 AM
1

My experience is similar, and I agree with most things. Society definitely puts marriage in a favorable light, and it's typically seen as a normal part of going through life. So, "idiot" may not be the best word for someone who was misguided. However, that needs to change. Men are often seen as disposable. Too often, married men get sucked dry and then left to rot.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 08:08 PM
1

Thanks. Yeah. I have one of those giant calendars, and I'm recording who she's been staying with every day. She's also had about 5 jobs since Ive known her, and none lasted more than 2 months. I'm hoping she does this time, then I can have the child support office review our case. I was a bit ignorant how it all worked considering it's equal physical custody, but they look at the differences in income and do an offset from me to her based on that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 01:27 PM
3

I really appreciate your reply. Lots of things have been choking me up lately, and this is no exception. The question is not rude, and I'm happy to answer. Many things have changed in my life recently, I'll answer specific to my relationship with my daughter. Venlafaxine (or Effexor). I have been taking that drug for 8 years. I have bipolar, and it is an antidepressant that is very strong. It has eliminated nearly all anxiety, and I've come nowhere close to depression in that time. Sounds great,…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 02:19 AM
4

very common. marriage is supposed to be about 2 compatable people who are on the same wavelength. That may exist for some people, but most of us here have found that we sacrifice ourselves for what the woman wants and "needs". And many stay because we've been told that it's whats best for the kids. And we also stay because we have some idea that sacrificing yourself is the noble manly thing to do. Well, again, those 1 sided marriages can work depending on how 1 sided it is. There's no shame in m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/22 03:12 AM
2

You need to have a serious talk with yourself. You need to take a sober look at your life, and look at things exactly as they are. Look at yourself exactly as you are. Think objectively about the situation like we are. The difference is that you have all the facts. We only have what you told us. Often, it takes strength, not intelligence, to see what's actually there. And when you see it, you have to find the conviction to do what you need to do. If it means saving your marriage, do it. If it me…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/22 02:49 AM
6

Never got that far, but my understanding is that going to court would expose as much as possible. Nothing is off limits what a judge would consider. What you describe would need to have the appearance of significance for them to consider it a factor, so listen to your lawyer on the matter. Unethical business practices or shady employment could undermine her ability to provide. It may even suggest criminal activity if bad enough. get a lawyer if you dont have one and listen to them.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 07:11 AM
2

Related situation here. Divorced for 2 months. So far, neither of us has any desire to start new relationships. She wants me to go over and do boyfriend things, physical and affectionate things. As much as companionship is nice, op and I have to overcome that and face the reality of the situation. It can suck at times being alone, but staying strong with your decisions and principles will earn you respect from everyone, including yourself. Going back is the path to any number of bad things. And …
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 10:19 PM
3

I'd give it a shot for a while if you dont have a lease or a mortgage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 09:50 PM
1

Do you work?
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 09:46 PM
2

It's a bad sign, certainly. Similar situation. Former ex would blame my family for my thoughts on separating, and in her mind, cutting them off would cut off those those thoughts, but they were mine. It's likely she knows she's losing you, and it's a desperate move to trap you into her life by cutting off everyone else. Do not cut off your family for relationship reasons. It can be complicated when you're in the middle of it right now, but from the outside, let me tell you that you need to follo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 09:38 PM
1

I've only had about 15 mice myself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 10:51 PM
1

You are emotionally committed to a separation. You have to take a genuine look around you and determine what is best for everyone. What your son wants is understandable, but you can provide a better life for him in a home without her in it. You will be able to spend time and genuinely be present for him if you take away the stress youre under. I was in a similar situation, and I had to choose between my wife and my daughter. When it did come to that, the conviction grew within me and I did it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 01:14 PM
3

Im sorry to hear this. I was arrested last May. We lived in separate places and were on our way to a separation. I was over picking up my daughter, and she wanted to have a discussion about moving into a new place together (again). When I said I wasn't interested, the discussion turned into an argument, and it was getting bad, so I got up and started to leave. She told me "well you're taking her then if youre leaving". I went over to my daughter who was in the bathroom listening to us. I immedia…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 01:49 PM
1

Heartbreak never is easy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 12:36 AM
1

This isn't reading into things that arent there. If the IRS does or doesnt consider it fraud, then it is or isn't accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 02:13 AM
2

While it is common and "fraud" has some big implications, technically it IS tax fraud. Please don't spread misinformation. He should claim the children if he is rightfully entitled to them. Child tax claims aren't a first come first serve basis, and I disagree with your advice that he should just let it go for the "at what cost" nonargument. This will continue to happen for him, and she needs to have consequences for doing this. Even if it's just his money back, that is a huge deal when it comes…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/22 05:07 PM
6

How successful are most FWB situations? My experience is that it's "girlfriend light" and she will want to be a full girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 10:19 PM
3

Almost every word here applies to me. I was 31, and a fire was started in me to have a child and family. I told myself the next time I fell in love, I was going with it. There were red flags (many), but I was hard nosed ready to make it work. Over time, I lost my work and myself to the marriage, and staying in it turned me into the worst version of me. I made a lot of mistakes, too, but I set myself up for failure. Boy do you learn how to read those flags. I just wish I had a male in my life to …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 02:57 AM
3

I would be careful with the "almost always" claim. To prove your point, you would have to put couples back together, and you might find the kids were better with parents living separately. The way it should be phrased should be "the most successful kids come tend to come from two-parent households". In theory, 2 parents are better, but you can't keep living in a dysfunctional home and pretend it is better than 2 functional parents living separately.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 08:55 PM
1

I feel for you. It's hard to see someone you love grow away from you. I've been there before in my life. However, my divorce experience is different from yours. My ex was 100% codependent in every way imaginable, and part of leaving her was her false accusing me and putting me in jail. Different angle, but the question in your title still rings true. Ultimately, you have to remember what you were feeling when you got married. You have to remember the first steps after getting married and how thi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 02:41 AM
2

I can only speak for myself. I was able to make it knowing that I put In every possible effort to make it work. Our family had been dysfunctional for a long time. Our (now 5yo) daughter has had developmental problems because of it, And seeing the window to correct these problems in her closing, I had to choose between the best well being of my daughter and the best well being of my spouse. I chose my daughter. I will now able to provide proper health care and dental care care and other financial…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 03:54 AM
2

Sorry to read this. As you yourself hinted, you're working with someone with a cluster B personality type. She's a brick tied to your leg. You can never expect to be treated like a person. There's no law of reciprocity here. If you do anything nice for her, you aren't getting anything back. I know. I'm in the same situation. The one thing that you may want is to treat each other with respect for your kids' sake. Get rid of that idea. She only values you for what she can get from you, and being d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 08:38 AM
1

I feel like i dont have enough context. Do you absolutely need majority custody for your purposes? If shes a "show" mom, it's likely shes not the type to follow through with things. That was my situation. I could have gone for full custody, but didn't because shes ultimately weak willed to make any difference of it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 02:35 AM
1

1:40 hit me like a truck. Not because I'm sad that I have to rebuild from nothing, but because I've been waiting 3 years eagerly waiting to start again, and now I can.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 02:23 AM
1

Nope. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 02:18 AM
1

I would have to reciprocate your first statement. You appear to have known the answer to your initial question before asking it. What you said is having an impact on me. I don't come across many people who can read into so much from what's written. I wouldnt be surprised if you have a strong proficiency of English, reading or writing. At the same time, good at listening to people and observing. It seems like thats what your initial reply might have been for. I know I will be proud of myself agai…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/22 06:24 AM
2

The most important thing is to keep your life together and stay functional. If it is affecting your life adversely (not sleeping well, hungover, etc), it's a really good idea to cut back. If no to the above, you are ok for now, and the biggest concern is falling deeper into dependence and long term health problems. The common answer everyone receives is that more than once per week is too much. Closer to once per month would be ideal for health concerns. My suggestion would be to cut back to one…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 03:06 AM
1

I'm glad for you. Wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 02:46 AM
1

Even after the divorce. She was extremely upset being served with the divorce papers because it didnt include massive child support. She needs it for herself, but she doesnt understand that it's largely based off a formula done by the state, and she isn't going to get more, let alone what she needs for her unemployed ass.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 02:42 AM
3

Thanks for this. We can avoid many problems by taking a extra moments before interacting with her and responding.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 04:19 PM
6

That's insane. It is the female equivalent of a man who is domestically violent. A few years ago, I had my stbxw took a fall in front of her 3 year old and then called the police. She's called the police several other times. It's only the last time that they did something about it. I was stupid to let it get to that point. I am lucky that she did those things at the time and wasnt vindictive after she calmed down. Doesn't excuse anything, but it's less dangerous to me. I could easily be in priso…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 02:18 PM
10

I was falsely accused. I had my felony terrorizing charges dropped this week. This stuff happens. If she does accuse, the burdon of proof is on your side. I wouldn't risk it. It is a bitch being charged and going through the process.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 11:13 AM
1

Reminds me of me from 10 years ago. There's a wide range of men who could have that "alpha" thing going for them if they wanted to and decide to act a certain way. Frankly, I dont get off on the drama, and every person in those circles has at least one personality disorder. A lot of times those people don't have careers, and i dont do drugs, so I didnt have a lot in common with them. I stepped in enough to see that lifestyle wasn't for me. That woman is not marriage material. She's going after a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 05:07 AM
2

Frankly, if there's any chance of a functional marriage, consider it from a professional stance. Is she career focused? Is she financially responsible and wise? Do a background check and run a credit report. Getting married because of passion and love alone will end up back here. Expecting to leave her clothes at your place is a red flag to me now. That's not asking you. That's not her considering what might be best for you. That's her trying to find a nest with you being part of that nest. Like…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 03:57 PM
22

It's never a good idea to get with an ex. It didnt work for a reason, and that reason will resurface. My stbxw has been asking me if we can continue to be gf bf. Shes been trying to hook up with me. I have not been hooking up with her, and i said i dont know about the relationship thing. Im saying that until the divorce gets finalized. The reality is that there's not even a snowball's chance in hell that I would ever go back to that parasite. If she says she only wants sex and nothing else, use …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/21 12:50 AM
0

"Those who reported feeling less connected to their primary partner experienced greater emotional intimacy in the affair, perhaps as a way of fulfilling that need." Dont cherry pick. Read the artictle and it was clear that people were cheating to get something from it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 08:51 PM
1

Name them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 04:55 AM
2

Incel talk was what I was thinking. While some arguments make some sense, the whole alpha/beta model is reductionist.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/21 08:53 PM
2

Those things that kids go to might have been.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 07:41 PM
4

That's a bit unfair. You can't expect him to just ignore abusive language. They might have to communicate occasionally, and if she's being abusive at that time, its not about not respecting her opinion. Or if she's undermining different parts of his life. Yes, eventually youd have to let it not bother you, but i wouldnt put up with the bullshit if confronted.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 03:58 PM
1

Heartache is tough. Wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 03:18 PM
6

People tend to give advice to others what they would give to their younger selves. You need to take in several opinions and make the decision for yourself. The general opinion here would be anti marriage because it didnt work out for them in particular. For me, the biggest mistake in my life was staying in my marriage 3 years longer when I knew better and had an exit. I'm not anti-marriage. If you find the right person, it could be the single greatest aspect of your life. Here are some objective…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/21 01:27 PM
3

Not married to, but i had a bad breakup with a long term relationship with someone with BPD. My advice to you is to get as much outside help as possible. The hallmark characteristic of BPD is a fear of abandonment. They will react to this separation as if it's the end of their life. Either suicidal or hostile or romantic. She will try anything and everything to keep you there. And you can bet if she reels you back in, you can expect her to go back to her old ways turning on a dime. All of it is …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 03:21 AM
3

I was in a long term relationship with someone like that. I would be surprised if you could do this amicably with her if this isn't something that she wants. You might be best ripping the bandaid off without telling the bandaid.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 01:55 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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