Sorry I have to rant somewhere. He’s constantly avoiding that convo, constantly brushing off my depression, has low sex drive, never even wants to leave the house unless it’s for work or to go on a grocery run or if I have a break down because we never do anything etc. it’s making it to where I fantasize of a whole other life and being a HVW because I’m not happy. Now I don’t want to get married either. I don’t see a future here.(note I don’t want to get married until I’m in my 30s but it’s something I personally look forward to with someone special.

His mother is also constantly pushing him to go back to college because he’s quitting and doing basically nothing. I asked him what his life plan was and he never has one or had one. It’s fine if he wants to do that but I’m not interested.

I want to cry. I can’t leave if I want to at-least for now because I don’t have a car. Oh yeah did I mention he’s my HS sweetheart 🙃 I know I’m young so I have a lot of time to search again but man this feels depressing just to think about. His family also helped me in my teenage years so breaking that relationship will ruin connections since they know about everyone around here. Fucking hell. I felt like I had to get their help because I was basically on the verge of being a homeless teenager. I’m on minimum wage atm aswell but I’m trying my best to save save save and continue college.

Looking back on the relationship so far, it feels more like a good friendship than a partner I can really deeply confide in etc. 😭 I’m so depressed and lonely.