I'm 21, my girl is 17. I met her off tinder, it came up in convo that she has never kissed a dude and is a virgin before we met. We eventually met up and hit it off, hung out July till she had to leave for college in the city the end of august.

We spent 2-3days out of the week together, would go on dates, and eventually started fucking ( she bled so much and could barely fit two fingers at first she was a real virgin).

So would say stuff like compliment me, opened up to me about how she doesnt talk to her dad anymore, says semi-cute shit like "i dont want you to go just because im leaving, I want you to visit" and I said I would visit her when I could. (30min by train). After we already said our goodbyes cuz she was leaving for college, we hung out TWICE after cuz she couldnt get enough of me, even the night before she was going to leave.

Okay so here it goes: 3 days into college, were having this convo on the phone about how her blinds are broken and she mentions how her friend came over to her dorm to try to fix it. I fished for info about it and eventually got a "he" pronoun. And I was like " who was he", and shes like "my friend bradley".

Now I spent alotta time with her and her friends and never heard that name. Eventually after fishing for more info, this guy was " someone she met in the city years ago".

I look in her phone the next day, I find out this guy was somebody she had been talking to almost every single day for at least the last week ( didnt go far enough). I saw his fb message about how they met on Tinder (back in February!??). She lied to me about who he was and even lied saying she had met him before yadada but no this was her first time meeting him.

The next day when I see her, I ask her if shes talked to him since I found out about him (i told her to stop talkin to him). She said "no". I demand to see her phone or I will leave. She very reluctantly hands it over. I read their texts convos and surprise surprise shes still talking to him. tbh it was very tame. No flirting or anything. Almost like he was a beta. But when I went to the previous day, she was talking to him ABOUT ME. saying stuff like "i cant believe hes reacting like this", "im just rolling my eyes looking at my roomate while he yells at me" with the other guy being a white knight sayin "he sounds like my ex gfs ex bf". When I flipped on her saying how could she do that when we spent so much time together, she was all apologizing at first saying hes just a friend. And eventually she says " are we even together? ". Like wow, technically I never asked her the words "want to be my girlfriend" which blew me away because we hung out so fucking much this summer. but still the way I see it is they talked on tinder in february, the guy lived in CT, we live on Long Island, she moved to the city, 3 days in and shes already met him. almost like shes been waiting to go to college in the city so she could meet this guy. Anyway I made her block his number and all social media. I became pretty insecure and would sometimes question who a certain guy is on her instagram and stuff.

Now this was weeks ago and I'm finally posting about it now because even though now we are "exclsuive", I noticed almost 75% of the dudes on her Instagram were guys she talked to on Tinder at some point. Some even comment her shit and she doesnt delete them. I asked her to take them off her insta list and she wont do it. Now shes like "taking a stand" all over the sudden when before, she would comply with my requests. She never even comes to visit me, I always have to visit her.

Her excuse about the whole thing ultimately was that she wanted to be talking to me all the time, but she thought I was too busy/mature to talk all the time like that. Now this has some merit because all summer I would make her chase me to hang out with me and ignore her texts sometimes and would always be "busy". Is it possible she was really just friends with the guy and using him for beta validation, while I was the alpha fucking, or did she 100% try something and I am an idiot.

(btw the guy is either the same with me in looks for the face or maybe a little less attractive, but my body is definitely more attractive/muscular, hes very skrawny)

The first week after the event, she was my bitch and would do anything I said. But as time went on she tamed out, she hasnt chased me since , isnt eager anymore, still hasnt visited me once (after i been visiting her).

Now my ultimate question is

Is it dieing out because I went beta on her being insecure after finding out? Or do you guys think it was a lost cause from the start?