I know I am depressed. I think it is mild depression that I am having for last 4 yrs or so. I moved from Sri Lanka to US. Despite living in the south I am more brown skin than black. I have been going to the gym for last 4 yrs now. But, I am not jacked because we don't eat meat in my religion.

Nothing excites me now- a-days. I work for tech company which pays above 100k before taxes. But, I feel really really bad for spending money. A lot of people enjoy spending money but not me. I have this constant feeling that I am lagging a lot. I feel that everyone I run into is a millionaire. Otherwise, how can they afford coffee at Starbucks everyday. I see my coworkers who most likely are making 100k+ and have their wives and partners working as well. I know I could just switch jobs but there are other challenges with visa.

Women - Ah, where do I begin? Everyone thinks I am Indian. I have thinning hair so I buzz my hair. I feel that women in US are more shallow. I tried approaching and initiating conversations at coffee shop. But, nothing went on few casual talk here and there. At bars, there are 50 guys and 25 women.

I feel that life is very very easy as long as you are good looking. At least with women ans sex.

I am now getting constant feeling of hollowness and feel that I might never get any women. What's the purpose of life? At 32, does it any worse than this? I looked into assisted suicide but it requires patient to have terminal illness. I am healthy as fuck, physically.

This incredible loneliness is killing me. I thought of joining hobbies but I just can't do it. I thought my testosterone is low but it is around 680.

What shall I do? Is there any chance I can go back or am i fucked forever?