I’m not sure if this is the right place to post, but let me explain.

I’m in a loving relationship, my partner is wonderful, our sex life is great, emotional connection is strong and so on. We both work full time, are young, and he is my protector, at the same time I’m fiercely independent and we live our own lives, albeit we both enjoy more traditional roles within our relationship dynamic.

We both have high sex drives however I feel like I can say “yes” to sex more often than he does to me. We both initiate, I’d say it’s probably 50/50, which is fine for some couples. But I would rather it be 75/25 or 80/20, him initiating more.

I initiate often, frequently send nudes, do suggestive things, etc. I put lots of value in sex and sexual appeal to my partner. More than my partner I think, but I’m not sure he realizes that, again, it’s our dynamic. But, after I do those things, if it’s not returned I often feel rejected and disgusted with myself. I feel like, even though he’s my partner, I’m “giving myself up too easily”. I feel better when I hold my urges back and let him initiate, but hey, sometimes I initiate anyway or try to suggest something. I just feel shameful about it afterwards and I’m not sure where to go from here.

TLDR: I feel shameful after frequently initiating sex, being suggestive, etc with my partner. I feel like I’m giving myself up too easily to him and I’m not sure what to do from here. Thanks in advance.