I believe I've been blackpilled since around age 13 but my life has been so messed up perhaps I'm just too exhausted from working 3 jobs to date. I fully believe that every relationship friends family or romantic, people only stay around you based on what you provide both emotionally and any other field. I'm 23 all of my relationships have come from deep conversation and advice because I'm a quiet guy who prides himself on giving actual good in-depth advice and laughs. So older women are usually impressed by the insight or women my age that are my friends confide in me. Sneak in some experience about sex and they become a bit curious, leads into flirting being reciprocated. I'm far from perfect, sometimes i lie about the boundaries i have in a sort of trial by fire way of getting over it. Its to my knowledge most women fantasize about xsomes and being insecure thinking (and still thinking) eventually a woman would ask me for one my first time was a threesome. As much as I try to work things out in my head or suck things up I cannot get over the jealousy and inferiority I would feel if my hypothetical SO wanted one but I feel its inevitable so might as well prepare...but anyway, this mindset has led me to confirmation bias/paranoia I can't break out of because the more successful I am with women the more I'm comvinced this is what they want. I recently was unsuccessful after getting out of a 4 year relationship. Seemingly because I did the things I knew better than to not. I was open about my feelings,extremely attentive, put love above arguments that rarely happened, I trusted her, and gave her more than 100% went and worked my ass off at these jobs to try and help my families glaring debt problems AND afford for us to finally move in together, she was the one that brought up kids and marriage and I bought into it, Its been months since she left me and I cant work with the kids i work with without having a panic attack, I may lose a job from having to atep away. I dont know maybe I shouldve done more.

I dont want to end up holding mysogonystic beliefs but I feel so jaded from both a positive and negative point of view and thats the worst. This CMV is less of a challenge and more of a plea, there has to be more substance to dating than what I know works right?