I've got this deeply rooted fear of looking stupid or acting inappropriately or coming off as weird or awkward or whatever. I don't feel this way with everyone, and I know the real me is underneath all this second guessing, but I don't know how to peel away that awful layer. My fear is so subtle.

I could be totally myself one minute and walk into a room with my girlfriend's family and all of a sudden I'm asking myself if it would be appropriate of me to help myself to a glass of water...

...Of fucking course I can go grab some water.

I'd like to sit here but shit this chair looks important, is it "her dad's" chair? The couch it is then.

Is it alright to put my feet up? Fuck it, sure it is....oh wait her mom seems kind of pissy now, should I not put my feet up? Did I thank her for dinner?

I have something funny to say but it might be pretty abrasive. My delivery is going to suck because I'm so caught up in my head.

Oh shit they're laughing at something, what are they even talking about?

How to fuck do I get out of my own head? Should I just start acting without thinking? I'm worried I'm going to cross a line, then react in a shitty way and before you know it I'm thrown out of my girlfriend's parent's house.

This all sounds insane as I write it out but shit, I need to figure this out now.