I had a LTR for more than 1 year. HB 7.5, intelligent, red pilled ( let me fuck other chicks as long as she didn't found out), very submissive in bed, cooked... didn't like to party, so didn't have to worry... treated me as a king basically.

After some months, anxieties of mine kicked in. In reality, I don't feel as confident as I would like to be, I "put a mask" on lots of times, and began to wonder if maybe being single would make me gain that confidence. She was treating me like a king but I don't feel like a king yet. Sometimes I have this enourmous fog in my head, social anxiety through the day, and when I reached her... she was sucking my D as soon as I arrived, even though I was feeling shitty. I started to take her for granted. I felt like I could do anything and she would still be head over heels for me. I started to think, "is this it"?, I began to miss the novelty of the single life. I'm 25 y/o. I began to wonder, "am I staying all of my life in this relationship, this comfortable, not challenging myself?" I began to fantasize about hotter chicks. I wasn't spinning plates that often (occassional ONS) because I have little spare time (only saw her once a week on weekends).

After some months my anxiety became bigger and bigger and I started to feel I had no feelings for her anymore, my head was elsewhere. She felt it. She could tell I didn't love her, so she started bitchy behaviour. As I was taking her for granted, I somehow stopped gaming her and lost frame too, making her bitchyness skyrocket. We ended it.

And in the moment I felt it was maybe what was right. But it's been 1 month and I still feel fuckin down all the time. I lift, do my stuff... but I can't get my head clear. Never happened with other LTR's cause every other time I was convinced that's not what I wanted. This time I just though I could strive for better... a hotter girl, a better me, but looking back she was awesome. I've met some other hotter chicks but they're annoying as fuck... or completely unstable mentally. Can't forget her.

I'm so fucking confused. Part of me wants to go back, but the anxiety of "the grass is greener on the other side" is still on.

I need help clearing my mind, anyone gone through something similar? Is it just cause I'm not spinning plates still? Or, I don't know, I kinda feel I'm the problem, I have issues with compromise... I kinda feel the same after some time in any LTR I have (but no other chick has been as good as her). Shit. Sorry for the messy writing, just spilled my brains out.