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While I wrote this for the guys over at /r/asianmasculinity, the concept behind drawing out common assumptions made about yourself and defying them for effect is easily applicable to everyone.

I stumbled upon this means of generating intrigue when I first began going out and trying to meet girls in Tokyo. I used to simply just tell my potential lover that I’m a Japanese-American, but eventually I found it to be much more fun and effective to let her make an assumption about me before humorously correcting her.

Before I open my mouth, a Japanese girl will see me and think, “That guy is Japanese.” Well, actually, in her mind she’ll probably just think, “That is a guy.”

Japanese people, and I suspect many other homogenous Asian societies, have no need to develop nuanced understandings of ethnicity and nationality. In their daily lives, an “ethnicity = nationality” rule of thumb is going to be correct 90% of the time. However, this type of thinking opens up a lot of opportunities for Asian diaspora such as myself to engage in some good-natured mind fuckery.

After I approach the girl and chit-chat with her for a few minutes (in Japanese), my odd Japanese accent and all the other aspects of my appearance signal to her I’m not a “normal” Japanese person.

She inevitably asks me if I am Japanese. I give vague, non-committal answers like “maybe”, “kind of”, or “something like that”. Now she begins asking, “Korean? Chinese? Filipino? Thai?”

My buddy comes over and says something to me in English and I respond to him. The girl now looks at me and says, “Ah! Your mother is Japanese but your father is American!”

I take this opportunity to correct her. I am full American. Both my mother and father were born in the United States. At this point, the smart cookies ascertain that my family and I are Americans of Japanese ancestry. Others will take the racial splitting one step further and ask, “Quarter?” Most will just give up trying and say, “What do you mean?”

Either way, I’ve hooked her deeper into our conversation.

The real benefit of discovering this conversation thread, however, was learning that defying the assumptions that people make about you generates a lot of curiosity. Adding other aspects to my appearance and behavior that Japanese men normally do not have predictably reinforced my understanding of how to stand out when you would normally be passed over. Pick-up guru Mark Manson echoes my sentiments in his book Models:

“But what most men of minority don't realize is that racial stereotypes can be used to your advantage. What I’ve found, and what many minority men have found, is that if you can calibrate your behavior to contrast your racial stereotype, you’ll actually create a lot of intrigue and attraction on the spot.”

We all tend to ignore or forget things that fall directly in line with our expectations. Things that seem normal, yet somehow manage to surprise us, we remember. With awareness of what stereotypes and assumptions apply to us, we can use them as points of contrast to stand out and draw attention.

Relevant Law of Power:

LAW 6: COURT ATTENTION AT ALL COSTS

Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious than the bland and timid masses.