Be direct and show vulnerability to an alpha female?

MattyAnon · 2017-09-27T17:10:58+00:00

. She cuddled up to me to get some attention so I told her no cuddles,

Good.

Then eventually she said 'well you've clearly moved on' then she started texting on her phone. We both ignored each other until she said bye and left. First question, did I play this freeze out wrong? I didn't want to give her the attention she was craving.

Freeze out was perfect, although perhaps you over did it. But that's better than not doing it enough.

You can't win them all, and you don't need to.

It's gone from her calling me daily to nothing

If I read this right you talked daily BEFORE SEX? Can you see how this is friendzoning yourself? Before sex you should be the aloof alpha, too busy for idle chit chat. Sure, you tone it down a little after sex.... but premature providership or commitment makes her do the "make the beta wait for sex" move.

"I was off the other morning because things with us aren't progressing** how I expected. I know for a fact we enjoy each others company. So let's go out to XYZ and then back to my place? But this won't work if you want to be a platonic friend."

I see how this could work sometimes, but it's a bit cringeworthy. But the ideas are sound.

Firstly: don't apologise for the freezeout. She's allowed to not have sex, you're allowed to withhold attention. No explanation needed.

You shouldn't need to mention friends or not. And you shouldn't put ANY questions in the text.

Now, I have no idea what "alpha female" means, but generally I think you mean "leader of her group". That's fine.

I'm basically asking for sex.

Right. Instead you should be escalating towards sex, happy that it doesn't always work and in this case you move on without being friends.

Going after what you want, not giving a shit about whether she agrees or not

Right.

There's no neediness in that text

There is some.

And is vulnerability even vulnerability if you don't give a shit?

Right. But vulnerability isn't attractive, it's just necessary as part of escalation.

The old 'act like NOTHING has happened' when we get in touch again?

You've withdrawn enough. Sadly however I think from her behaviour she saw you as an orbiter. Knew you were into her. Used you as validation. Recognised you've given up orbiting. Stopped getting free validation from you.

But you should try to escalate to sex. You really should, you'll learn a lot and it will benefit you in the future.

You want to send a low key text first off.... "hey... so I was eating lasagne today, and it made me think of you. Don't take that badly".

You know, anything very mildly teasing, tiny bit of value, non-needy, no questions.

Back and forth a little from there. If you used to call all the time then call her FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES, that you end with "well, it was great to catch up with you, I've got to go and do X awesome thing now".

If that's going well, invite her round on some pretext. "Come round on Thursday and we'll watch XXX new film I downloaded". (Something she can't just see on Netflix).

The idea is to NOT ACT AS A FRIEND. Don't be too available, too reliable, too supportive. But escalate again to a "sex is a possibility" from a position of not-an-orbiter.

RedSkeller · 2017-09-27T15:28:25+00:00

First off, I don't think flaunting the fact you're seeing other women is helpful. Sure there is dread, but you need to do it covertly and subtle. I never say outright I'm seeing other women, but when I get random texts or having a general unattached nature, it is insinuated. Sending her a feely text sounds incredibly lame and amateur, she is either bouncing on a new cock (hence her sudden absence) or she's playing the waiting for you to make a move game. It sounds like this chick is high maintenance but I would say "Let's celebrate the ancient tradition of Thirsty Thursday" and see if she responds. In the mean time, I think you should work on trying to diffuse LMR a bit better.

Weefilly · 2017-09-27T16:19:40+00:00

Yea you confused dread, and letting her imagination/hamster put the pieces together of what you're PROBABLY doing, with looking like an insecure guy who needed to run to another girl via text since you didn't get validated by her. She probably wrote you off at that point honestly, good lesson learned.

moorekom · 2017-09-27T17:51:48+00:00

//She cuddled up to me to get some attention so I told her no cuddles, pulled out my phone and started texting another chick for her to see.//

I think this is where you fucked up. You should have let her cuddle but should not have been receptive. Dread works better if it is implied. This is more akin to punishment. In this case, her ego comes into picture and she will do anything to protect her ego. And that is exactly what she did. If you are going to send out that text now, she would consider that as a victory. You can reconcile with her sometime in the future casually (think a social occasion etc), but at this point, it is better to let this go and chalk it up to experience. What you should have did was be non receptive and let her wonder what was wrong and correct herself. You want her to seek your approval, not to rebel against you.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-09-27T23:47:31+00:00

She tried giving me a foot rub and kept asking for a hug.

I'd have let her give me a foot rub. She was trying to show submission.

she's alpha so I don't know if the usual techniques work?

Totally. They work in spades...BUT the shit tests will come like tidal waves.

I'm 50-50 on the text, but hey, as long as you are prepared to move on, then do whatever, because: "Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die.

LordThunderbolt · 2017-09-27T20:29:51+00:00

Should've kicked her out

Downhere_Seeds · 2017-09-27T20:49:32+00:00

"I was off the other morning because things with us aren't progressing** how I expected. I know for a fact we enjoy each others company. So let's go out to XYZ and then back to my place? But this won't work if you want to be a platonic friend."

I don't see how this shows vulnerability, maybe because you are making yourself vulnerable to rejection, which displays confidence. Displaying vulnerablity is like you crying about a breakup to get sympathy sex and attention. This text is straightforward and let's her know your expectations, that you aren't looking for a platonic friend. You can still mess this up though if you apologize or offer any excuses after you send the text, she may test you so be prepared.

Title	Be direct and show vulnerability to an alpha female?
Author	LawnmowerUser
Upvotes	4
Comments	21
Date	September 27, 2017 3:08 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/72svcy/be_direct_and_show_vulnerability_to_an_alpha/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/be-direct-and-show-vulnerability-to-an-alpha.115126 https://theredarchive.com/post/115126

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