My wife (40F) has been working on her masters degree+doctorate degree for the last two and a half years. It's put an incredible strain on our marriage and as of last October she told me that she wasn't happy and we haven't been close emotionally or physically since.

During this time I read the good books ie no more mr. nice guy, hold on to your nuts etc.

I began living as if I was a single dad with two kids because that's how it felt. I spent a lot of time crying as it was very painful anticipating the end of our 9 year marriage, this was made harder because we hadn't really defined what was going on. I felt it was a rough patch or short-term break.

When I would try to reach out to her it would usually end in a fight with her saying something hurtful and complaints of smothering.

As of the 1st of January, i began working full time to maintain our mortgage payments and health insurance as she began her master's degree clinical rotations which will end in September.

Eventually the pain became too great and yesterday we agreed that separation was needed. I agreed to support our house, kids, and her through to the end of her clinicals, but I would not be supporting us through the doctorate degree. It would take that long for me to get all my s*** together anyway. It was actually the calmest I felt in a while because now I had the clarity and knew where I stood. No longer holding on to hope. During a visit that night at the in-laws I told them that after the masters degrees finished I'm taking a month holiday back to my family in a different country. Everyone tried to talk me out of it saying what about health insurance? What about your job? What about this? What about that? But I held my ground which apparently I never really did. I was always the first to fold. I felt free to do what I wanted.

Not one day later she comes home from work with tears and her eyes full of regret. Upset that now that we've labeled it as a separation, she's having second thoughts. She doesn't want to break up our family and she's open to couples counseling which she wasn't before.

For about 15 minutes I felt a lot of relief. I went into the garage to lift some weights which gave me some time to think. I started thinking am I being played? Does she need to string me along a little bit longer so I support her through the doctorate degree only to dump me? I don't know how to trust again.

This woman put me through hell for 4 months. She knew I'd been hurting. I called some of the men in my life and they agreed with me. One even advised that if she really wants to save our marriage then she has to not do the doctorate degree.

I need help here