Interesting article about how different genders form friendships.

Demonspawn · 2013-12-08T23:20:55+00:00

So very close and yet so very far from the mark.

What is the first rule of being a guy? Be masculine. What is the first rule of masculinity? Well they supply the idea of "avoid everything feminine" but that's not it.

"Avoid everything feminine" is because we've destroyed masculinity in our culture. Were we still a culture that cherished masculinity rather than admonished, shamed, or punished it at every step, then there would be a path to masculinity other than "avoid everything feminine" and then men wouldn't be afraid to have some stereotypically feminine traits.

I grew up in a military culture where masculinity still exists. I had a father who wasn't afraid to kiss his sons because that wasn't a mark against his masculinity... he had already proven it. I had friends who knew what real masculinity was and was able to form deep friendships with them because, again, those things weren't going to cost us our status as a man.

But then I got older and moved away.

You can't have those kinds of friendships as a man today. It's not because of me, it's because of the majority of the men I know. Young men that didn't grow up in my culture. Young men that have no idea what real masculinity is (other than that it is shamed at every step). So they avoid real masculinity, and therefore the only way to have masculinity is to "avoid everything feminine"... which means they won't admit to liking girly drinks, they won't admit to liking some female pop music, and they won't dare open up and share emotions.

So they are close, but they are way off the mark. The way to get men to have these types of friendships isn't to allow men to be women. That won't work because men want to be masculine... it's a deep seeded need and, also, what they know women are attracted to masculine men. The solution is to quit shaming traditional masculinity. To allow men to be men.

When we allow men to be men, rather than "not women" then we'll see these types of friendships come back. Masculinity will be less restrictive because it will again be defined as "do this" rather than "avoid all of this". And once we have a few generations of men being men because they are men, rather than being men because they've avoiding being female, we'll see a lot of positive change in our culture.

Title	Interesting article about how different genders form friendships.
Author	Synovexh001
Upvotes	2
Comments	3
Date	December 8, 2013 11:03 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1sf0x1/interesting_article_about_how_different_genders/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/interesting-article-about-how-different-genders.1156701 https://theredarchive.com/post/1156701

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