I've been in a relationship with this girl for about 9 months now. I only recently told her I love her after she's been saying it for a few months. In the entire length of our relationship, I've essentially been cheating on her, whether it's been one-night stands, hookers or spinning plates. Why I do it is the basis for another post altogether - and something that I will not get into here (so save your judgment and moral policing please).

Recently I've started spinning two plates consistently in addition to my gf. I've always had the impression that my gf was more invested in me than I was in her. However every so often (since I started spinning these plates), I've been getting the feeling that she's cheating on me. I'm cool with walking away from the relationship if need be as I've come to learn that I don't really need a relationship but choose to have one voluntarily. However, I'm not sure where these suspicions are coming from.

Her behavior towards me hasn't changed in any way I can tell. If anything she's become more sexual towards me and more supportive of my work and career ambitions. She's also deferred more to me as her rock than at the start of the relationship, following my lead, and letting me be the father to her child so to speak.

Which begs the question of where these feelings are coming from.

Could it be that my subconscious guilt is projecting? Or should I trust my gut here and accept that she's also stepping out of the relationship?