When I was in junior high school I was sexually harassed by 3 or 4 senior students. I have crippling agoraphobia now, and I think that's why.

Eryemil · 2013-07-20T15:04:58+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through that; I can't do much except offer to listen if you need to chat but I can put at least one of your fears to rest:

The worst part is I'm gay so it makes me feel ashamed if it's possible that I'm gay because I was sexually harassed. I don't want that to be the case.

It's not likely that an event of that nature would have any impact on your sexual orientation. Our current best theory of homosexuality points to mainly genetic and developmental factors with very little in terms of social ones.

2013-07-20T18:25:52+00:00

I'm really sorry that this happened to you - I (female) had a similar comment made at me once in school and it's always stuck with me. It's the one incidence of bullying that I still hate to recall. I can see why it hurt you so much to have it happen frequently.

Are you aware of r/anxiety? They may be able to give you a bit of help and support.

I've had terrible anxiety and problems from a very young age and I'm doing well now. Never give up hope.

ifrit1100 · 2013-07-20T19:15:59+00:00

Awwh that sucks you had to go through that. I'm gay too though my school life was fine with no bullying. I'm not sure about how to help but I'm always open for a PM if you want to chat.

rightsbot · 2013-07-20T13:02:16+00:00

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judas-iscariot · 2013-07-21T04:32:25+00:00

Firstly, I'm sure your parents, friends and anyone else you feel is worth telling would be incredibly receptive.

The fact that you said "If a man abused me I'm sure I would have kept quiet too. But now, as I'm older, I am afraid to ever bring it up to anyone because it was female on male sexual harassment." says something. I think no matter who the abuser was, you wouldn't want to talk about it and would find some excuse. If it was a man, you might have made up the excuse that no one would believe you. Since the abusers are female, you're telling yourself no one will care. Either way, recognize these as strategies you're employing to deal with not talking about it. Dismiss these hindering thoughts and make an effort to talk about it (even if just anonymously to a crisis line. The fact you talked about it online is a great step~)

Secondly, being harassed does no induce homosexuality. A lot of people (especially men) who are sexually harassed, especially if the abusers are men, worry that the abuse has somehow altered their sexuality.

Thirdly, if you are gay, regardless of what you felt caused it, it's okay!

vivadisgrazia · 2013-07-21T09:54:15+00:00

There is help. There is hope. Please don't give up.

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Spice_and_Doven_Wolf · 2013-07-20T20:34:59+00:00

Sorry to hear about what happened to you. I'm in a similar situation with the agoraphobia, but lurking around /MensRights has been incredibly helpful, because I know I'm not alone.

I wish I could tell you that doctors and therapists would understand these things, but I've been in therapy for a little over a decade now and I haven't had a single one who really "got" what I was talking about. Maybe things will change, but as of right now, I don't think they're trained to know how to deal with female on male abuse.

In 7th or 8th grade, I was assigned a locker next to some girl, and everyday she'd make really horrible comments about me. Now, I have to admit I'm an incredibly ugly man, and I was even uglier as a kid, and even with prescription-strength anti-antiperspirant I'd sweat a lot, and I had terrible asthma, but there was nothing I could do about these things I wasn't already doing. Two showers a day, all sorts of medication, the works. Eventually I have to stand 10 feet behind her and need to wait for her to do her business before I'm allowed to go to my locker, which occasionally made me miss my bus. She'd do this on purpose, sometimes, because we lived in a rural area and it must have been hilarious to make a guy walk home, uphill, for two hours.

One day though, I guess making me walk home wasn't enough, and when she finished with her locker she just...turns around and starts kicking me in the testicles. Again and again, in full sight of everyone. I've had terrible pain there ever since then, even had a surgery done to try to reduce the pain, and to be honest I'm not sure if my sperm are viable...too afraid to get tested.

But, of course, the story was that I must have done SOMETHING to deserve that, and that she "stood up for herself", and I was even more of a social pariah than before. Stupidly, I still considered myself a feminist, because I figured it was just one girl who ruined my life and made me afraid of women...I didn't see that it'd just be any other form of bullying if feminist culture didn't tell ME that I was the "aggressor" because men are "privileged" and therefore can't be victims.

It was only in the past year, when a feminist group took some very out-of-context Tweets and posted them alongside some image meme I did not post, which caused me to get death threats until I eventually tried to commit suicide, that I really saw feminists for the hate group that they are.

When the KKK send death threats, they don't get to claim they're the "real victims". That is, the media doesn't step in and defend them and say "but they really DO have it that bad." But because some man somewhere beats his wife, you, through guilt by association, need to suffer. You can't complain, you can't go to the police, and when you tell a doctor or a therapist, they are suddenly concerned about what you MUST have done to "set them off". Women don't do bad things!

What always happened with me, and what, I think, contributed greatly to my agoraphobia, is that the first words out of any school authority or therapist's mouth would be "of course, you have to understand that it wasn't YOU she was attacking--she must have had a traumatic memory, and you're a big guy, kind of scary looking, very masculine--and you seemed like a threat to her." So, from the get-go, I was being told that what happened was the fault of my birth. My appearance was just so damn terrifying that a woman couldn't possibly help herself from trying to destroy my balls. So I developed agoraphobia, because, hey, my appearance was so damn upsetting to everyone around me that even mental health professionals sit down with you and say "yeah, I can see why you get attacked, and you need to accept that's the case."

So I quit school in 12th grade, despite being ranked second in a class of 200+ students, and had to quit working a few years after that. Only reason I stayed at my job is because my father refused to pay child support, and my mother still had a young kid from rape. (By the way, thanks, feminists, for punishing people like me for my father's sins.) I'd go outside and a few hours in, I'd shake so much that I couldn't stand; multiple times I had people think I was having a heart attack, when really, I was just afraid my appearance didn't come with the Trigger Warning I should have been polite enough to provide.

But yeah, I'm a shut-in, and mere minutes after having a conversation with someone on Twitter about how heroic women are under-represented in Japanese cartoons, a woman asked about why nerds don't like women joining their nerd games, and I truthfully answered, well, some of us have been trained to be afraid of you. That's what I got death threats over, and...look, I'm sorry I've meandered from the topic, but I'm still angry about it months later. Everyone respected my father, as evidenced by all the children he had, never paid child support, and never went to jail for any of the times he hit women, but somehow, a 27-year old shut-in who hasn't even gotten his first kiss being afraid of women is worth death threats.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't feel guilty, man, because right now you're just like I was, and you THINK that feminists and the culture they have created are somehow supposed to help women, and you feel guilty because nobody is going to say "yeah, women can be terrible, too", but feminists are just like any other hate group. Just like the Nazis were people angry and insecure but who needed a target, feminists are just bullies who need to take out their aggression on somebody, and they don't care who. I need you to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're a good person, despite what everyone says. They haven't seen what we've seen; they're still believing the biggest lie of them all.

Trust me, I was there with my mother in court. Feminists don't care about lower-class women who actually do need help. It's about hating men. The only difference between feminists and every other hate group is that they've co-opted an ideology that makes them look innocent--"women are human beings" seems like something a reasonable person would support, and they hide behind that.

If I was so "terrifying" to that girl in seventh grade, though, why'd she feel like she could do what she did? Because I complied with her orders. I moved away from the locker and waited, like an obedient little dog. She knew when she attacked me that I wouldn't fight back. What has helped me since I became an MRA is, essentially, learning how to be like every other guy. If a woman looks like she needs 5 feet of personal space, you give her four. You make her feel bad if she needs your help. Drop your "please"s and "thank you"s. I hate what they've made me become, but unless you want to be that guy who "looks like a rapist", you need to start thinking like a caveman.

Really, I think that's why the whole "PUA" thing works--I hate those guys and their ideology, but just like men automatically, biologically, pay attention to women with large breasts, I think women automatically, biologically, want to hurt men who aren't assholes to them. I hate what I've become, but I deserve to be able to leave my house.

I don't know how to make that work for you--that is, I'm not sure how acting more like "that guy" works for a gay guy--but I'm guessing you're overly nice to women, right? Don't. Do. That. Being nice makes you a target.

I'm not kidding about hating to say that--I remember one argument with my father about how he was taking me to a prostitute to teach me "how to deal with women--treat them like whores", and I stood up to him, knowing I'd get beat for it. And I did. But now I'm saying almost the same damn thing, but I think my father, in a sick sort of way, was trying to protect me--he knew how much I was suffering in high school, and was trying to beat the nice out of me. Jesus. I hate everything about this world.

subzero_600 · 2013-07-21T01:55:36+00:00

As someone who has been though his own fair share of problems, I can understand the problem you are having with doctors and therapists. I've been though a number of them til I found the mental health nurse I'm currently seeing for the treatment of my depression and anxiety. Its hard, with a lot of quacks out there that simply don't understand men's problems especially but here's hoping you can get on with things just like I have. (Even if it did take 2 years for the first major breakthrough )

2013-07-20T20:22:35+00:00

Take martial arts classes and learn how to fight.

It will change your life.

Title	When I was in junior high school I was sexually harassed by 3 or 4 senior students. I have crippling agoraphobia now, and I think that's why.
Author	con_fess
Upvotes	20
Comments	22
Date	July 20, 2013 1:00 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1ioy48/when_i_was_in_junior_high_school_i_was_sexually/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/when-i-was-in-junior-high-school-i-was-sexually.1168364 https://theredarchive.com/post/1168364

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