Hi guys. I've been a redditor for a while but only recently decided to tell my story in hopes of shining light on a topic that has been hotly debated for a while now. When I was 27 years old (42 now), I was dating my then girlfriend of 3 years. We loved each other very much and were best friends. We had discussed many things that we wanted out of life and one of the things I was adamant about was not having children in my 20s. I had just earned my MBA at the tail end of our relationship and was looking to build on my career, become very financially comfortable, and make more time for the future. I told my girlfriend numerous times that I would do everything in my power to make that happen.

I wore condoms during our relationship for a time longer than other couples would. Until one day, my gf came to me and said that she wanted to be on the pill and that I shouldn't worry because she would take on the responsibility. I was a little hesitant because I didn't have much faith in the pill as it was not really believing the efficacy of its use as much as others did. But I decided to allow my gf to take the responsibility and I told her that I trusted her to do so.

She did great for a while but apparently became careless with her pill regimen later on. She became foolishly too confident about her cycle and didn't stick to the plan as well as she should have. As a result, she ended up becoming pregnant during the third year of our relationship. I was devastated for a number of reasons as you could imagine. This was unplanned, I wasn't ready to be a father, and she had betrayed my trust. We had our fights and moments of anger and pain for 2 weeks straight until we both cooled off just enough to discuss what was going to happen from there.

From the start, she made it clear that abortion would be off the table despite her getting an abortion when she was 22 (with her ex-bf in college) because she wasn't ready to have a baby. I wasn't even about to entertain the idea of forcing her to get an abortion because it was absurd no matter how much I thought this was all on her. I suggested adoption and she said that she couldn't bear the thought of having her child growing up in a stranger's home not knowing who her parents were.

I knew where she was going at that point and I made it clear to her that I was so lost, hurt, and confused that I couldn't bear to see myself in the position that she wanted me to be. I couldn't be the father that I was supposed to be simply because of how much I resented my girlfriend at the time. I put my faith and trust into my girlfriend and she knew how I felt about the matter and yet she carelessly failed me and that would be the hallmark of this pregnancy. How could this child deserve to have a father who didn't want her as much as a father should? a father who resented her mother? Was that fair?

Around the time I found out my child was a girl, I also had a solid couple of weeks of thinking. I knew at that point that regardless of how much I didn't want to be a father, I was still going to fulfill my financial obligations for the baby. I wasn't where I wanted to financially at that moment but I moved some funds around and budgeted a little differently to make it work. I made it clear to my girlfriend that I would be there financially but that I couldn't bring myself to be there as a father or confidant. She was saddened to see how unprepared and resentful I still was but she knew it was not my fault. She apologized for the situation we were in and said that she hoped I would forgive her someday.

Not surprisingly, we broke up. She and our daughter stayed in the city while I moved an hour away for a huge promotion. For years, until today, I have continued to financially support my child with everything she has needed and more. But the downside of it all is not the child support, not at all. The downside is the resentment I had for her mother sadly carrying over for years until just a couple of years ago. Because of that, I never had this urge to actually fulfill a fatherly role in my daughter's life. I have been a distant uncle to her and not much more.

I had moved on since the break-up. I met my wonderful wife and have had two children during this time, one daughter and one son. There are times when I look at my youngest daughter and not help but cry inside a little just thinking that THIS is how my oldest daughter she have been loved and wanted. My resentment towards my ex-gf comes back at that time and I just go into a dark place for a while.

I won't make this longer than it already is so I'll just tell you what I should've heard years ago. Protect yourselves. Do not rely on your SOs no matter how much you love them or trust them. Because no matter how clear your life paths are, they will change when a baby is in the picture. Stop hoping for the implementation of financial abortions or preparing to complain to the world how unfairly you were treated. It won't matter, it won't help. If there is the slightest inkling of a doubt when it comes to your woman's contraceptive efforts, wear a condom and control your own future. Because in the end, what's going to hurt isn't your wallet. It's your heart and self-dignity that will take the biggest hits. You will feel used, unappreciated, and unwanted. You will resent your SO and that resentment will carry over to your child in some way, some how. Does that child deserve that? Should you be cheated out of becoming a true father because the story wasn't written by yourself? If not, then don't rely on her like I did and protect yourself because ultimately, no one else will.