Men who have been on the receiving end of physical violence or sexual abuse by women, could you please answer my interview?

2013-06-07T14:58:54+00:00

Physical and Emotional. It started with playful slaps (That would not stop when I told her to.) and progressed into punching my back/arms, slapping in the face, insults for any variety of things, separating me from my friends, eventually she pulled a knife on me.
Nope, Was raised to think that men could only be abusers.
Yes, constantly. I've been questioned by more than a few people along the lines of "how bad could it have been" "She's only a girl" etc.
Not legally no, was in no condition to deal with the police along with feelings that they wouldn't have believed me anywa.
Yes, angry and violated. I find it absurd that they make demands that men are supposed to be protectors and intervene with other men, but can't recognize that women can be just as abusive or fail to address it.
I think the level of violence shown against men will never be replicated against women. Sure, there are some seriously violent scenes against women in movies/videogames, but the scale of the violence will never be matched.

Tomdowney · 2013-06-07T19:13:37+00:00

Physical, Emotional, and Sexual. It started out she got drunk, and punched me in the face without any warning just clear out of the blue. I broke up with her. She was smooth and I gave her a 2nd chance.

I did not see it as abuse; Men aren't victims of abusive women.

I was well aware of the societal view that only men are the aggressors.

I reached out for help, nobody believed me and several accused me of being to blame. I felt suicidal. I did finally find a counselor and was treated for PTSD.

The media portrays women as the victims. Men are shamed, mocked, and called pussies.

The sad part is that I could have easily kicked her ass, but I was raised to never hit a woman. The night I told her I was sick of her lying, cheating, and stealing and to just leave. She started beating the crap out of me. I had a broken nose and a laceration on my ear. I had to physically push past her to escape the house. I was sitting out on the back deck trying to figure out wtf to do and next thing I know I am thrown to the ground and being handcuffed. I was originally charged with sexual assualt, DV, and assualt. She did not have a mark on her, the sexual assualt charge when the DNA came back as another mans, her BF. I still ended up losing everything. I ended up pleading guilty to disorderly conduct and paid a $25 fine. Nobody would listen to me or beleive anything I had to say. The nightmare is long over, my life is very different, and yet, I am happy again.

rightsbot · 2013-06-07T07:44:17+00:00

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2013-06-07T18:07:45+00:00

What was the nature of the abuse and how did it begin?

Physical. Possibly emotional but I don't know what qualifies that. It started as the run of the mill slapping I guess when she didn't like what she heard. It escalated into groin kicks, punches and basically full on agression aside from eye-gouging. Threatening me with knives.

Did you see it as being abuse when it began?

No. Only really in hindsight. I figured she had some emotional problems like anyone else.

Do you feel societal attitudes prohibited you from feeling legitimate in your feelings of the abuse?

Well I didn't care until it was time to put it behind me anyways.

Did you seek help for the abuse? If so, were you taken seriously in your claims?

Well I called the police once. It's pretty much the only option when you decide to not fight back. She had slapped the phone out of my hand but they showed up anyways. It's pretty hard to withhold the context but the story will be after the survey

Have you ever seen a film which reflects the viewpoint that women cannot be abusers towards males? If so, do you remember how you felt when you saw it?

Not really unless it is linked in this sub. I'm one of those people who think that traumatization is more based on context and how people react, not the actual event. I feel entitled to that opinion after an abusive relationship and mild sexual abuse as a kid. It basically makes me look like a sociopath monster if I share that opinion unless maybe I were to qualify myself as a victim. So basically I keep those opinions to myself.

Expectations of "manhood" have always bothered me and the hypocrisy of double starcards and hyperagency and such. It also didn't seem like something worth worrying about at the same time since I would rather deal with things how they are than what I wish they were. I didn't consider the legal side too much until coming to this sub, but seems like a more objective thing to be an activist about.

Do you think violence and abuse towards females is depicted in films and other types of media the same way as it is towards males? Eg, emotionally, humorously, etc.

LOL, obviously not. All you can do is laugh.

So the story I talked about above. My GF is pregnant and comes to a small party at my apartment. She ends up getting wasted on rum and coke. Her pregnancy is a secret at this point. I snidely mention that maybe she shouldn't be drinking caffeine, so she secretly loses her shit and starts a loud and ridiculous argument about who-the-hell-cares, anything but what she is actually upset about. Eventually I call he "crazy" and she starts smacking me while I was sitting down. I grab her wrists and she knees me in the face full force. It broke me nose. Not really a big deal. I ask her to leave more smacking. I offer her a cab home. She won't leave. She just keeps hitting me and nobody will stop it. I threaten to call the police to stop it. It doesn't stop so I call the police and she smacks my flip phone out of my hand. It didn't shut but it did get lost in my very messy living room. I think someone else called too. I forget what my call log said but the call was over when I found my phone hours later.

It doesn't take the police long to get there. She ran. The police were pretty pleasant for a change, downright jovial and kind of funny. I forget how she got caught but it didn't take long. Not that I saw her. The police tell me that it doesn't matter that I wouldn't press charges because we had lived together in the past year. They asked me that before I knew of the law. I show up to her hearing the next morning but avoided her the next week or 2 after that.

The next day I had two black eyes and bruises behind my ears for what seemed like no reason because I didn't get giant blows there. I found out years later that those are signs of head trauma and I should have gone to the hospital.

I end up back with her and she resents me for jeopardizing her nursing career. I try to help legally. The on again, off again ends when I move. It seems like only space and time can help a victim realize how dumb they are.

Title	Men who have been on the receiving end of physical violence or sexual abuse by women, could you please answer my interview?
Author	FullOfBarsOfSoap
Upvotes	15
Comments	4
Date	June 7, 2013 7:43 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1fum5u/men_who_have_been_on_the_receiving_end_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/men-who-have-been-on-the-receiving-end-of-physical.1171891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1171891

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