Part of reinventing myself seems that I have to let go of my LTR of 11 months. Since swallowing the pill I've learned about the bad deal I've been given with her.

Like Neo seeing the Matrix, I see all the Shit Tests thrown at me, the denial of sex and using it as a weapon, the drama as a way for her to consort more power in the relationship.

We live an hour apart and she's strongly insisting that we move in together. She's essentially locking me down as her Beta provider. Whenever I visit her once a week, the enthusiasm isn't there. The sex is bare minimum once every two weeks If I am lucky. I'm frustrated and losing faith in the relationship. Yet she expects me to give up so much to move in with her.

Ultimately, I see the bad deal I've been handed. I don't like it. She constantly puts me down and forces a mother/son like frame rewarding me with affection when I've done something to her approval. I feel belittled and beta-tized around her. It was never like this at first.

The frame now firmly set seems almost impossible to get out. My only option seems to break up.

I'm finding it rather difficult to pull the trigger. Might be because I'm in scarcity with no options. So any advice to get my mind right for this? I can assure you that she repeatedly does not give a fuck about my needs. When I stupidly spoke about our sex life she essentially translated it too that she could give a fuck about my needs and that its not important.

Her sex life is crushingly low with me. Maybe a combination of being on the Implant and taking Anti-Depressants. Who the fuck knows but she essentially told me to expect lack of sex (once a week is good for her she says) when we move in together. She's really fucking selling it lmao

Yet, what stops me the most is my insecure thought of her being fucked by someone else after we break up and moving on is stopping me from pulling the trigger. This doesn't seem healthy to me. How do I learn to accept that?