25yo "wife material" recluse.. how do I find a husband ? (Very long, sorry need to talk)

charlieshap · 2022-09-14T14:39:24+00:00

Hello,

I'm a 25yo with no job or diploma because I've had health issues for years. Dream of entering a prestigious field, but I only have one chance and if I fail I'm banned from studying anything in my country. I haven't studied in ages and feel like I need to study on my own before starting so I'm taking a gap year, but I am scared it won't be enough and am thinking of taking ANOTHER gap year, so entering first year at 27..

At the same time I am also starting businesses from home, but I'm not making money from them yet and not sure it'll be a success. I don't talk about it when meeting people, I just say I'm taking a gap year to study before actually going to school and they give me weird looks because I'm old.

I have 0 friend, 0 life experience, never dated, but I was raised to be a tradwife/homemaker so I'm confident in that, and I am also very pretty. I get stares and sometimes smiles when I go out and put an effort in my appearance, but that + years of isolation gives me HORRIBLE social anxiety, and I tend to break eye contact and run. I don't know if I should get Tinder, I want someone committed and serious who is willing to get married within the next few years. My beauty isn't eternal. I don't know how or where to meet people generally, and men in particular. I feel like I have to choose between career and being married. I wonder if I should not just forget my dream, pursue an easier bachelor in hopes of meeting someone there, (there's a uni I know with more conservative/trad men so even if they're younger, they COULD be willing to get married faster..) and be an actually functioning member of society.. Or, stay at home for another year (two years total), study on my own or maybe at the library, risk being secretly mocked/pitied by my old peers who are now graduating (though I don't really care so I don't know why I am even bringing this up, but it does give me anxiety), but have a "higher" chance of passing the first selective year and going on my dream path.. but then I would be 27 among 20 year old kids and probably wouldn't meet my husband among them.

There is also the issue of having healthy children. I don't really have a family so it's really important for me.

I should also add that the reason I have no friends is not because I am a horrible person; simply, I wasn't allowed to hang out after school, so my friendships were all very shallow and I've lost contact with everyone after high school.

I'm not really sure what I should do. I've read Laura Doyle's book and have started smiling at men, but them reciprocating gave me even more anxiety, and I am afraid they'll think I'm easy/used to doing this when I'm not. I stopped doing that. Random men are also strangers, so there's that -they could be psychos for all I know.

This is the only community of women I really trust to ask these questions and confide in.

Thank you very much.

AutoModerator · 2022-09-14T14:24:02+00:00

Title: 25yo "wife material" recluse.. how do I find a husband ? (Very long, sorry need to talk)

Full text: Hello,

Sorry if the "wife material" seems too self-assured; I just wanted to make it clear I have not always been a recluse and don't have to be taught from 0 about being a wife because I was raised to become one by my traditional grandmother.

I can't believe this but I'm gonna be turning 25 pretty soon. My life is not what I imagined it to be; I had to report my studies due to health issues, and now I'm doing a lot better but I have developed severe social anxiety. I used to make fun of (most) people who claimed they had S.A., I didn't know it was real. Needless to say I regret it badly. My outlook on mental issues is a lot different now.

I also have anxiety of studying; I don't know how I graduated high school, but when I started my first year of uni, before dropping out for health reasons, I quickly realized I didn't really know what studying or learning was. I had always finessed my way through exams. The field I want to go in is pretty selective, and requires intense studying. It's my last chance meaning if I fail I'll be expelled from my country's universities, and I would have to move abroad to study what I'm interested in; which is very difficult for me for various reasons. So now I'm thinking of pushing back one more year, and enrolling at 26 (And I would turn 27 that same year.. in my first year of uni)

Mentally, I'm still my high school self. I've gone through a lot and changed a lot, but apart from personal experiences, I'm still the same little sheltered girl.

I've never dated or gone to a club. I've never had friends because I was overly sheltered and couldn't go out after school, so while everyone was friendly and liked me at school, I couldn't make deep connections.

I consider myself a "high value woman" for what it's worth; no bodycount, was raised to be a homemaker since I was little, because it's in my culture. I know everything a woman who has not had children yet must know about children -more than your average person. I know how to clean and keep a house. I don't really know as many recipes as my grandmother, but I know a few decent stuff about cooking, and the little I cook, I've been told I cook it very well.

I am also quite pretty. Not saying this to brag of course.. but it's one of the reasons I have so much anxiety I think. I looked the same as my 14yo self until about one year ago, when I started going through a second puberty, and my face started looking like that of a woman. I also grew out my hair from my pixie cut. And now I get a lot of looks in public. Stares. Smiles, even.

And it makes me feel like shit lol. I spent the whole year dressing as a tomboy because I couldn't handle the attention. Eventually I thought dressing like that made me feel even more horrible (no job, no studies, and dressing like a hobo after living in isolation is not a good combination for your self-image) I was really NOT socialized around men, and was always taught them trying to flirt with you meant you were exhibiting signs of being easy.. which of course I'm not, now I've realized this is just how men are, they're naturally attracted to women, it's normal.

I'm beautiful, I have that going for me (and I do my best -I do my hair and makeup now, and maintain a slim figure -it's not like if I made 0 efforts I would still be stared at) but it's not gonna last forever, and I am very aware of that.

I have 0 friends and am very isolated.

Going out is terrible. I would rather starve a bit than go grocery shopping.. yes it's bad. That's where I'm at.

The only way for me to meet people would be to go back to school now. But I am afraid I am not ready to slay my difficult school exams yet (it's something like STEM in my country). I haven't studied in very long, and if I were to fail this year, then I'm banned from studying anything where I live. And it's a horrible perspective to me, because while I do want to stay at home, I need a backup degree. I need it for my own sanity, my own view of myself; I've always wanted to do it.

I don't know if I should just download this damned Tinder app. I'm afraid most guys aren't serious, or if they are, they have a high body count.

I am also afraid of randomly meeting someone, say in a coffee or wherever, and having to tell them I'm not enrolled in uni at my old age, or working. To be clear, between you and me, I am not sitting at home doing nothing: I self-study for school, and am starting businesses I have always wanted to do. But they're in foetus stages and not guaranteed to bring money, and I don't want to be that girl who says she's an entrepreneur or whatever and if it fails, I have to say "oh, it failed", or not be taken seriously when I say it.

I don't know wether I should just go to into an easier field I'm not passionate about for a year, just to meet people.. I don't think I would do that, I don't think that would make me happy.

Or just enroll next year in my uni of choice, just to meet people and go to uni, and risk failing.. First year it's difficult to socialize anyway, so I would still have to wait for two years before really mingling with people, and even then, most of them would be in their late teens to early twenties :( and if I don't go next year, that would mean three years.. and then I would be 27.. don't think I would find a husband in my year group.

I don't really know what to do. I have no one to ask or confide in. It feels safer from an academic point of view to stay at home and self study before enrolling, I am glad I chose to do that for this year, but I am thinking I should do that next year, too.

I still get anxiety over

failing my first year (and therefore my studies) if I enroll right away and am not ready

and

not being "part of the world", not being part of uni until two more years. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm starting to feel like I have to chose between getting married, or getting my diploma. Actually forget about the diploma, I think I would be so happy just passing my first year, because after that everything is easier. But I would want to continue and it's years of studying, so I would be around my mid thirties by the time I graduate..

I think it's pretty obvious by the amount of paragraphs I've written I'm overthinking, but I would really appreciate some help and insights, on what to do for school.. should I play it safe academically, and enroll in two years, or should I just go right in next year as originally planned.. how to meet someone that is serious and will actually want to get married, how to get over this damn social anxiety.. how to make friends.. I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I should add I've read the submissive single by Laura Doyle, and it hyped me to actually start smiling at random men, but it gave me even more anxiety, and I quickly stopped doing it.

I really appreciate it if you've read so far, and I hope some of my points didn't come off as haughty or conceited. I present a popular girl energy when I am out, by the way I look. If only they knew. I'm not even on social media. When I try smiling at other girls, they act like I owe them or something, and look at me in disgust. I am also sadly aware that some girls will feel threatened by my appearance and be jealous. It's happened in middle school, and I've been badmouthed by two middle school (yes, middle school) girls on the bus the other day, and the sales girls at a store. It feels.. really horrible. At the same time, I am not the most attractive girl in my city, and I've seen plenty of beautiful girls with girlfriends, but they don't seem interested, understandably, in including someone new in their group.

Thank you again.

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2022-09-14T14:42:24+00:00

I'd do whatever it takes to stick to your original school timeline. Don't worry about what happens if you fail, you will figure that out if it comes to that. I'm concerned you'll keep pushing the date back and your situation will only continue to worsen. This is what you need to focus on right now.

Don't download a dating app. They exacerbate anxiety and insecurity. You'll be put in situations with men you aren't ready for, and they won't be as polite as they would be in public.

Pick one outing a week to push yourself to dress up and smile. It's going to be uncomfortable, but you can spend the rest of week in your comfort zone. Increase this every month or so.

If men approach you and you feel awkward, just tell them you are very shy. They can work with this, they just need to know what they're dealing with. And no, they won't be able to figure it out on their own. Shyness in a beautiful woman is often mistaken for rudeness.

abishagofthevalley · 2022-09-14T14:44:02+00:00

Hi, mind sharing a bit about your family? It sounds like you come from a traditional background but where we speak of traditional backgrounds, we also automatically think not only family but extended family also. Where is everyone? Parents, siblings, aunts, cousins. An entire network of people through whom you could enlarge your circle.

Title	25yo "wife material" recluse.. how do I find a husband ? (Very long, sorry need to talk)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	4
Date	September 14, 2022 2:24 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xe3bm7/25yo_wife_material_recluse_how_do_i_find_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/25yo-wife-material-recluse-how-do-i-find-a-husband.1208784 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208784

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