Hey, I am a 41 year old, 7 month lurker after a crappy breakup. I was unknowingly and mix of BP and RP, and gave a soft next that repeated due to disrespect, and in that time she found a 12 year older beta bux that was "calmer" than me. I went BP in the end, and she left the coastal state for cold place, gave up her chance for kids (she wanted kids, and said ahe knows with him it won't happen, but he's not crusty old), and left all of her friends and family. Obviously, still some oneitis.

So, as I have been coming along I usually do 1 date a week and close on 1 out of 4. I haven't got any plates, as the last one got turned off by neediness at new years...she was high relationship value, but boring. My mom passed away during holidays and texted a little too much interest to this girl.

Now, I have more dates coming up and I am trying to learn. I went out with a hb7. She is a teacher, biggest interest is sailing, just lived in China for a few years and loves the way of life there (Confucian), and then did a year teaching english on a sailing high school ship thing. We connect on the kids thing as I used to be a mental health counsellor for the ministry of children. I connect/resonate with "models" by Mark Manson. We did the whole West coast walk in the winter rain along the waterfront date, and then got beers and snacks. It was about 5 hours. Red flag...lots of guy friends, she seems to want a leader on the adventure ride (I'm busy making money with a high paying job that is daily, but not lots of hours), and did say she wants to be friends with somebody first (comment was after saying "why do guys think you owe them a kiss just because you went on a date"), maybe a little bit feminist/sjw. I am not a fan of being somebody's vaildating fan.
So, at end of date she says to let her know if I want to do something again...2 days later I text for name of book we discussed, and a day later I text and ask if she wants to go out again? She responds with "I don't know if I want to date anybody right now", no tingles? And I am already goimg beta without leading? I do want practice and to see where this can go. I am thinking the best way is to lead with an adventure...maybe, go to a mountain resort a couple hours away (though, she isn't a winter sports fan) or some kind of cool date. I do want to lead, but I don't want to end up in a situation of being the fun times adventure provider.

I think the best progress is to plan something and say something like "well, let do x and see", as i think agree and amplify (I don't want to date anybody either, so let's go out Friday and do x") will be either be a hard next from her or a chance to be friendzoned, but AA can maybe lead to more depending on how I play my cards too. Her comment ("about guys always going sexual) on the date turned me off from my usual kino, but I'm willing to get back on that horse. Any advice or ideas for a second date? I was thinking a poetry slam type date thing, drive to mountain resort, I used to curl and she seemed interested and if i get to a third date there is a 2 hour learn to curl thing I can plan for later this month. I find I am busy doing my guy things that aren't too date worthy, so date ideas are hard. I box, lift, snowboard, hockey, and play on 4 ball teams in spring summer. After, my last relationship, friend's having kids and working so much I lost lots of friends. My social value appears low due to this and having a a big group with lots to do isn't me. I do good one on one though.