If your wife’s respect for and attraction to you is down, the clock is ticking. Every day that passes means that she may check out, leave you or cheat on you. Get off your ass and work on yourself. The stay plan is the go plan, and you can’t afford to waste time.

If she’s even average looking, she will be approached by other men from time to time. If she’s attractive, she’ll be approached by other men often, and will likely have quite a few orbiters or simps. You will either keep her or lose her based on whether you are her best option. Being your wife, she knows all of your failures and successes pretty intimately.

If you’re in a dwindling or failing marriage, you are probably not her best option. You’re probably not in the best shape. You fail shit tests. You get needy and insecure. You forget to do the laundry. She feels responsible for the kids. You’re still working that shitty job. You haven’t seen your friends in a while, or maybe you don’t have any close friends. Would other women want you? Does she even have anything to worry about?

Any attractive man she meets will seem better than you by default, because she doesn’t have negative experiences or resentment towards him. If she meets someone who’s her type and who she has chemistry with, your marriage can crumble before you know it. That might come from a divorce or from cheating that you discover months or even years later.

Your wife can’t endure a bad or mediocre partner forever, and you shouldn’t want her to. As the captain, you should want your crew to experience an amazing journey. That comes both from beta behaviors (like picking up the kids when you said you would and making a healthy dinner) and alpha behaviors (like hitting a new PR or becoming confident).

Further, if you’re here, there is a good chance that your relationship has already been damaged. You have to acknowledge the reality that this may not work out. If it doesn’t, you need to make sure that you’re in the best place to lead an independently happy life. That place is the same place that allows you to be a great husband. Again, the stay plan is the go plan.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. Don’t waste time.