Finding the right line...

My (39M) and wife (33F) have been separated since August 2022 that resulted in her staying in the house with her daughter (previous) and pets, while I moved in with a friend. I was thinking it would be a 3month max separation. We ended up having no contact to January 2023. We started sending just short messages, but they'd be sweet-adjacent, ending with a heart emoji, shit like that. We talk more and more and eventually decide to go to counselling, counselor was not productive, more of a Springer audience than a guide, plus we both had chips on our shoulders about what went wrong and who's fault what was. Then we decided to just try and reconnect, have date nights every weekend, good morning and good night texts, etc. Well this eventually failed as well. She blew off three date nights in a row, I got back to being sour about everyone and everything takes priority, I can't even get an hour a week of us time (my main issue previously). So then we decided to go to separate solo councilors. Randomly, before she even starts a session she asks for more no contact til our anniversary on Sept 8. She said "if there is hope I need this" so I agree with the stipulation that if she's done before then, just let me know. I want to stay married, I love my wife, she my best friend and I adore her, so I don't want my hopes up when she keeps being flakey and does not own any of her faults. So the day finally comes up and I message her and I'm excited, to me, at the very least we aren't done, because we had an agreement and understanding. Nope, she messaged me back with the fury of a thousand banshee's. I can go fuck myself, eat a dick and die, she hates me, she has no interest in anything. Completely out of the blue, completely different than the person I had known and loved for many many years. Never have I seen her that hateful, rude, or shitty, to anyone, ever!

So heres where I am stuck and lost and can't figure out what to do. She's in the house, the house itself is an issue as it was to be our first bought home. Her baby daddy is a realtor and she set all this up, never had a reason to not trust not be wary of him, let alone them togdther. He sets it all up, we agree, paperwork comes, and they sneak off with the papers, didn't think much of it. At this current point I've found out they were in on it together to completely bypass me on it. So she was being a snake before I ever knew there was an issue. It need moved into and extensive plumbing and electrical work, which I completed 90% by the time we separated. So it comes off to me now, as I was tricked labor. Now that we're talking about ending everything, I say okay, yours before is yours, mine before is mine, the stuff we've gained while married (Furniture, electronics, a very expensive kitchen, etc) we can probably agree on who gets what (I think) and if she's keeping the house she can pay me for the materials I used repairing it, no labor, just materials. Seems pretty fair right? She informs me I have nothing at the house, the duffle bag of clothes I left with, thinking it was a 3 month max separation, is all I own in her eyes. So now I get it, she says she wants an amicable divorce, but means she wants everything and me to pay for it..... we also have the issue of all the utilities are on in my name, of which she has ran all of them up to being cut off and making the minimum payment to keep kicking the can down the road, whole paying off her utilities from years ago, I assume her plan was to fuck mine and then put fresh zero balance ones on in her name.

So here's my dilemma... I am not vengeful, if anything I'm a bleeding heart with high romantic hopes and unwavering loyalty. I don't want to just cut off the utilities, but this is bullshit, I don't want to get sharks to go to battle, she cant afford basic bills let alone attorney fee, and I don't want to hate eachother. The issue is, she hates me, she doesn't give a fuck she's screwing me over, she doesn't care she wasted ample time just leading me along while she plots, she doesn't appreciate that I've helped, even when she was a nightmare to deal with I made sure she was fed and sheltered and had a way to work. And all I have asked in this is either counseling for 2 months minimum to at least clear whatever hate filled waters she has in her and for me to get closure, or to work with me on filing the divorce by communicating with me about utilities, possessions, debt, etc. And she still acts as if her role in it is done. So what do I do?