Been in the online dating scene for over a couple decades now, I’m at the point in my life due to the ongoing constant rejections my depression has become extremely heavy and more intense with suicidal thoughts becoming more convincing than ever before; As the title suggests, decades of rejection, I am a short man(5’4), average looking perhaps even below average according to my results with online dating and hypergamy, I’ve literally have liked thousands of women in many given times and rarely get any sort of like back whatsoever; I’m beginning to feel the psychological damage of the constant and never ending rejections; it really fucks with your ego and value as a human being

All I wanted to ever do since I was a child was to find that someone and settle down, im now 43, and realise, ive never ever truly been loved or respected by from the opposite sex, I’ve been bullied by both men and women, mocked and treated as low regard; the intensity is too much, just the smallest amount of criticism makes me want to go to war with everyone and myself, I spent the last 2 years refusing to look in the mirror, just having the realisation of being equipped with an ugly un-attractable face is another to make me spiral into depression and blow my fucking brains out.

the way I see life, we are biological creatures wired to attract one another to procreate and let humanity to continue to evolve, according to my years of experience with women, online dating, and relationships, I am constantly suppressed/denied for trying to obtain any sort of relationship of substance; I’ve done so much to help improve myself(gym, wealth, language, diet) to attract the opposite sex and it barely makes a difference, I’ve reached out to family recently on this matter, they are listening and trying to be supportive but there is only so much they can say or do

I get it now, hypergamy and natural selection, my genes are not meant to continue or be contributed to the gene pool, even though I strongly wanted to have kids and be a father in my life, I don’t think it is acceptable for people like me to bring children into this world, just the thought having a boy/son into this narcissistic superficial world with my genetics the child would be destined to lose with a shit life of constant rejection and be treated as second class, as a parent I would feel nothing but shame to bring boy into this world.

Therefore, my purpose on this earth is pointless, suicide might be the wrong option but we all die at the end of our lives, at least suicide offers choice, in the mating game for me, I have no choice

I’ve read many threads of the frustrations of people dealing with online dating, and notice people advise to either have a break from online dating/or see a therapist

I write this because im extremely isolated, I’ve been wrestling and ruminating with my own negative thoughts and just recently spoken out to family and friends, I just really feel the need for at least one human out there to understand or something, some form of validation of been yearning since my childhood, I don’t know, my thoughts are becoming so insidious, my life lacks purpose

Are there any men out there that can offer some sound advice, direction, suggestions, something that offers some form of salvation?

**I posted this on the OnlineDating subreddit but for some reason it became locked, in irony in rejection of mypost, i will attempt to post here instead; if this content is deemed inappropriate then remove it i guess