I matched with a girl on a dating app, we talked then we met, it turns out that there are a lot of common things between us, we click. She tells me she's polyamorous, she's in a relationship with a guy who she is loyal to emotionally but she has multiple sexual partners... I was on the app to find a date, and I'm totally against that polyamorous lifestyle. I should've turned around and walked away but I didn't... I felt drawn to her... after a few meetups she invited me to her room and she took my virginity (I am 30, she's 28, yes I was a virgin, yes it's sad, but we live in a country where sex is only okay after marriage).
Anyway I loved the sex of course, yet I felt drawn to her on a more emotional/romantic level... I told her that I love her, she got aggressive at first, but then I got closer to her, helped her when she moved apartments and was there for her whenever she needed emotional support because she has issues with her family and some mental disorders... after some time she told me that the guy she was with only used her for sex and that she wanted more, and that I showed her there can be more to get from a relationship... she left her boyfriend... told me she's drawn to me but she doesn't love me yet. I took that as a sign that we can be together after some time... everything was going good... we've been going out, I introduced her to my friends, and we planned stuff to do together.
Today she called me and told me she needs to tell me something, she doesn't wanna make me sad but she's not comfortable telling that to anybody else... she told me that ever since she changed a particular psychiatric medication her sex drive increased and she needed that regularly... so she called someone a couple days ago that was a friends-with-benefits type person... she invited him to the apartment I helped her move to and they had sex... I told her that a part of me wants to grab you by your hair and another part wants to hug you and be there for you, a part of my brain says to me that I shouldn't be sad or hurt because she didn't promise me anything, she's not with me yet... but a big part of me is very very hurt...
I don't really know what to think, I don't know how to feel better, I don't think that I'm waiting for advice on whether I should leave or not, because I don't wanna leave... but I just need the pain to go away. I am hurt because I made myself believe that she's mine, but I'm also sad that she doesn't realize that she's so much more than her body, and that those people are only there for her body, using her as a sex toy. I am normally a laid back guy but the anger I feel today is... I probably never felt that angry or hurt before.
I'm sorry for the long post. Thanks for listening.