Dudes, this is my first time posting here or anywhere on Reddit. I tend to be a go it alone kind of guy, but I feel like I’m reaching the end of my rope. Just looking for something, anything. Here’s my story…

Married 17 years, 20 year military dude, divorce filed for in Virginia.

She’d been acting pretty angry on and off for years. Had asked for a divorce several times. I believe she had been running around but couldn’t prove it. There was also some abuse of drugs mixed in there. I finally agree to a divorce fall of 2022 and we start making plans. I woke up on the couch a week later and she had gone what appeared to be crazy. Locked me out of my phone, posted in a WhatsApp group from my account I wanted to murder her, took my wallet, keys and credit cards. I left that day (she gave keys back) and stayed with a friend. Was able to get back into phone after 3 weeks, got new drivers license and CCs. Stayed with a buddy for 3 months and then into an apt.

She is very aggressive during this time. Lots of nasty words, texts and voicemails. Btw we have a 13 year old boy. He is struggling with her actions. Her home is unstable and she is having some severe physical issues to the point that our son feels he must be her caregiver.

Few months into it I get msg from linked in from her boyfriends wife. She has been having them followed and has proof of sexual relations. This is post separation but VA has no legal separation laws. We compare notes and believe that this has been going on for quite some time.

I file for fault divorce for adultery shortly thereafter.

Her mental and physical condition continue to degrade and we send our son to stay with her parents over the summer. She continues to be unstable, treating her family, me and our son terribly.

Her sister calls and states that they are not comfortable sending our son back to VA at the end of the summer.

My job requires me to be gone for 5-10 days a month. They were not comfortable with him being alone with her.

I tell her family that I agree with them. After a lengthy discussion we decide that I will move to WA (my job allows that).

I move there and stay with her family for several months before getting into a place of my own. After about 5 months, she begins to make amends with her family and they now believe that he should go back to VA.

I filed for emergency custody in juvenile court but never saw the courtroom because they filed a motion in circuit to have a post nuptial agreement validated.

The post nuptial is damning. It’s something I signed toward the end of our marriage when she was severely depressed and it seemed the only way I could save her.

She gets it validated and then has an order written that requires back pay I cannot afford. She files a show cause this month for failure to pay and not returning our son. We piggyback a motion for custody. I am found in contempt and ordered to pay more money. I am also awarded primary custody of our son until a GAL can complete an investigation.

Her family now, is pissed. My lawyer used the statements that they had written last summer about her instability and they no longer feel that way. We have been very close. They have watched my son while I had to work.

The final trial is in April and I don’t have any certainty that the adultery will go through.

I feel like I’m reaching the end of my rope. I have tried to only do what I could to give my son a stable place to live and go to school.

I don’t know that anyone can help me. Or even if this is the place to post about this. But I was just looking for some support. Thank you for reading