does romantic dating connection happen instantly or built upon with someone on autism spectum?

bluemagex2517 · 2024-01-26T03:28:30+00:00

when people on the spectrum go on a date. the biggest challenge is realizing that logic goes out the window and its really about how the person feels and bringing emotional connection to conversation which is something autistic people just can't seem to grasp because logic is very ingrained in the autism spectum.

I have a few things to say about this. First, I'm AuDHD, so I'm on the spectrum, but different than, for instance, someone with what use to be called Asperger's. This gives me a bit of perspective from for the autism side, as well as seeing some things on the neurotypical side as well.

Secondly, human logic can't be completely divorced from emotion. One might try to be as unemotional as possible in certain circumstances in order to avoid biases, but that doesn't mean that logic and emotion are completely separate things. For example, if I talk about the best way to make pancakes, I'm going to give logical and detailed direction on how to make pancakes, but emotion is driving the whole process on a meta level. What I perceive as the best pancakes is determined by my subjective preferences and driven by my emotions.

That leads to the third thing. Logic doesn't completely go out the window when dating. People are making some calculated decisions, but they are driven by emotions. Ultimately everything we do is a combination of logic and emotion, sometimes it's more one than another, but it's almost never just one. This is true for people on the spectrum as well. Even just looking for a "logical path" to proceed in a given circumstance is often driven by the autistic person's subjective and emotional comfort from logical connections.

does connection usually happen instantly like a lot of people or does the connection need to be built upon in order for dates and relationships to work?

Unfortunately this doesn't have a straightforward answer. Sometimes it is a instant connection. Sometimes it's a slow build. Sometimes the build is steady and linear. Sometimes the build is long and there is very little progress, until suddenly the people are in love. It depends on the people involved. Sometimes it depends on what's going on in their lives, or what life stage they're in, or mood they happen to be in when they meet. Sometimes the connection is instananous, but doesn't last. Sometimes it takes forever to build up and then it lasts forever. And, the reverse can also be true. Some instant connections last until death. And some slow burn romances burn up fast once they ignite.

Hope this helps. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. I'm an autistic 36 year old with ADHD and a long term committed relationship as well as 18 years of dating/relationship experience. I've helped several friends with autism, social anxiety, and/or OCD learn to date. I don't know everything, but I'm fairly confident in what I do know about relationships and being on the spectrum.

SweelFor- · 2024-01-27T08:59:49+00:00

Being on the "autism spectrum" can mean a lot of different things, and those are on it are not all the same with exactly the same psychology and life experience and struggles.

DaneCountyAlmanac · 2024-01-31T20:18:37+00:00

Logic ain't how autism works. If anything, the opposite - the ability to self-regulate emotion is part and parcel of the disorder.

Most of the problem is an inability to read facial expressions. A lot of what we consider "understanding" is just subconscious visual pickup - it's why normies are so terrified of people who can lie with body language.

Practice will only get you so far. Some of it is just blind guesswork - try to see their point of view.

Title	does romantic dating connection happen instantly or built upon with someone on autism spectum?
Author	levibelew927
Upvotes	3
Comments	4
Date	January 26, 2024 2:17 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1ab78c4/does_romantic_dating_connection_happen_instantly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/does-romantic-dating-connection-happen-instantly.1243794 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243794

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