Hey guys. I'm here to share my experience to a support group as recommended by the book, No More Mr Nice Guy.

My mom grew up in a genuine patriarchal Muslim household, she was silenced and didn't receive love and attention because her mom died when she was young and her dad was (probably) a psychopath who didn't care about her and cared about her half-brother which he had with another woman.

My dad, is probably a psychopath himself as I see it, he's the only one that's cuckoo in the head for lack of a better in his family. As for relationship, my dad used my mom as a tour guide when he came to the West from Afghanistan (this was before the Taliban became a thing btw) and used her as a punching bag physically and emotionally, he's either good at manipulation, or my mom was stupid- probably both because he dried her up financially and emotionally. My mom was his side-wife because he had his own wife and children back in Afghanistan and my mom was perfectly fine because "it's allowed in Islam as long as I get equal love and attention" which she never got anyway.

I remember falling in love relatively quick, when I was around 7 I would get crushes on girls, I remember that before I turned 12 I had crushes on 3 girls and they never shared the same feeling with me. This continued after 12 where I had a crush on a family friend which didn't work out and my latest crush that I got when I was 15 which also didn't work out.

I also didn't have genuine friends, because I was emotionally too immature that I was deemed as "annoying" and "stupid" (such as, I would talk too much and talk about irrelevant and stupid matters), I barely got respect. This started to change around 15 when I caught up emotionally although the damage was done. I still don't have genuine friends that I can rely on, I would say that's my mom's fault because she puts me in house arrest so I can't hang out with friends and therefore develop friendship outside of school. I tried, but she is really glued to the idea that I don't need to go "outside in the harsh world when I can stay in the comfy house" in fact I once went to an extra-curricular activity that was 30 minutes away by bus, but she didn't allow me to go because it was around evening so it was a bit dark, she would accompany me BY BUS so it was hugely embarrassing that I'm 16 years old and I'm with my mother going to clubs. In fact, it wasn't until I was 14 when I was allowed to go to school alone, and my school was alone 10 minutes away from home, to this day I have to message her if I reached school and when I'm leaving school to come back home.

I did have some girls that would have a crush on me, there were a few. One girl who was really dedicated to me was a friend of my family friend (not the one I had a crush on), she even asked me out telling me how much she likes me but I didn't go forward because I didn't want to shit where I eat considering I'm already under-attacked by "family friends" since my dad was a player and they're afraid I might have "player genes" and therefore a bad influence and because she went to a different school so it wasn't like we could hang out in school. Even after rejecting her, she still had some feelings for me and would talk about me however I'm confident that's no longer the case (idk because I don't have contact with her or the family friend anyway). There was another girl, during the same time period, that we both shared a mutual connection and she was the first girl I hugged as well, but then an upper-class new boy came (who's actually a pretty cool guy) and since then, she became more distant until she hated me and liked him instead. I genuinely believe that if the new boy didn't arrive then we would've been in a relationship (not putting the blame on him, it was my first-eye opener on this idea of what I later learnt to be hypergamy). Besides she was cuckoo in the head anyway, she was depressed and would cut herself so I don't think I lost out too much.

My latest crush, when I was 15, on my journey to "wooing" her I stumbled upon TheRedPill, which gave me a huge boost to my life, as I learnt women's nature and whatnot.

But I still don't know what it means to be a man.

I'm doing bodyweight fitness since February and I've packed some thick muscles, so I got something.

Thank you in advance.