Will I end up unhappy if I marry a guy that's not completely dominant?

anonanonetc · 2018-03-28T02:11:55+00:00

This thread doesn’t need any more input. She’s literally AWALT. She wants to have sex with an alpha and will ultimately settle for a beta for her longer term emotional needs. Extremely traditional.

Morpheus_TNTB · 2018-03-28T02:23:05+00:00

Totally lost me on the "I like having my hair different colors" part...

anonanonetc · 2018-03-28T01:57:28+00:00

The kind of help you need charges by the hour I think.

88Will88 · 2018-03-28T02:07:49+00:00

Curious, why are you this way (not nurturing, messy, conflicted emo)? What was wrong with mum and dad that left you this way? Option A- You are not too old to turn things around. Option B- find a nice tidy beta guy to clean up after you.

RedSkeller · 2018-03-28T17:08:32+00:00

Yes but there will always be better options. You might meet the emo man of your dreams but then a few years go by and you get bored and start looking around. You’ll do this unconsciously because of the feels or your ‘whimsical’ nature. You can keep it up for a while but eventually you’ll just end up with a beta or cats. Sounds like you should work on yourself and stop looking for a quick fix.

[deleted] · 2018-03-29T02:26:15+00:00

Any guy who willingly submits to a woman will never be dominant,not sexual or otherwise. The inverse apply to alphas. Sorry despite what the media tells you, you can't actually have everything you want. The law of equivalent exchange applies here. In getting one thing you give up something else.

Shukakun · 2018-03-28T06:30:32+00:00

Coming from someone who spent his twenties sleeping with a bunch of ”troubled” women, I can assure you that we're not trying to fix you, girls like that are just really easy and available for any man who is able to hit on her and get an erection. I was unemployed and living off of pizza and antidepressants, and that didn't stop them at all from being needy and falling for me despite me being 100% emotionally unavailable.

I don't know you, but dark/no makeup, dyed hair and more creative than productive sure sounds just like them. You didn't write overweight, but I'll go ahead and read between the lines.

I get it, you're not a fan of the idea of spending the next thirty years cooking, cleaning, getting fucked and birthing children. Doesn't sound great to me either, but it doesn't really seem like women have all that many options. These are the ones I can think of:

You join a confident, motivated man's life for the long-term, supporting and submitting to him. Maybe you won't feel as free as you want to, but you'll have a purpose in life, someone who cares about you, and probably a kid or two eventually.
You find a timid manchild who will give you the leading role. You'll without a doubt end up miserable. I don't think I've ever met a woman who enjoys pushing her boyfriend/husband around, not for more than a couple of months anyway.
You don't commit to anyone and just enjoy some casual relationships here and there whenever you feel the need to. Ask any perpetually single 40+ year old woman and see how she liked that path. Spoilers: They're miserable. All of them.

I get why staying single is tempting. Trust me, it is for me too (and I don't have that imminent biological timebomb threatening me, unlike you). There are pros and cons to being in an LTR. If you find a masculine, confident leader-type man and commit to him, he'll be making the calls, and I see why you don't like that, you want the freedom. But you see, freedom comes with responsibility, and that's one thing most women really don't want, a nice big chunk of responsibility with no one to share the burden with you. Being someone's wife, belonging to someone, will restrict your freedom, but in exchange for that, he'll be responsible for a huge load of stuff that you'll be happier for not having to deal with.

It's the same thing for men. Aside from the usual reasons that TRP people tend to stay single (legal system that provides any woman you marry or impregnate with the license to rape your life at her whim, and the fact that men enjoy variety in sexual partners), there are of course pros and cons for men too, and they pretty much mirror yours. Sure, having a submissive girlfriend/wife who cooks you delicious meals, blows you or spreads her legs at your will and is proud to be yours and does her best to rub it in the faces of other women whenever you achieve something, all that is pretty sweet. But having to support another person is draining, both financially and mentally. And if you don't stay strong and motivated and make sure that the next 30 years are enjoyable for both of you, chances are she'll be miserable and resent you for your failure to make both your lives great, next stop divorce, alimony and a 1-bedroom apartment.

TL;DR: Being someone's wife is a mix of great and horrible. Being a 40+ single woman is just horrible. Pick your poison. You can always get a cat. No, make that four cats.

Title	Will I end up unhappy if I marry a guy that's not completely dominant?
Author	choco-latex
Upvotes	0
Comments	26
Date	March 28, 2018 1:53 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/87o6rf/will_i_end_up_unhappy_if_i_marry_a_guy_thats_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/will-i-end-up-unhappy-if-i-marry-a-guy-thats-not.126647 https://theredarchive.com/post/126647

Comments