Couple things for beginners to think about and maybe by avoiding these things you can alleviate some of the fear a lot of men have of being perceived as creepy.

I have kind of been thinking about Dobler/Dahmer effect and while it's comical I think too many have taken it for truth. This is the theory that the same act can be really cool/romantic by one person but creepy by another and determining factor is whether the other person likes them or not. Sometimes it's construed as whether the person is good looking or not. I don't believe that is the determining factor. In fact the main difference in those examples are due to number one or number two.

So

  1. Be too invested in the outcome or too goal oriented.

  2. Be an obvious mismatch to your scenario

  3. Make people vulnerable

  4. Not letting it go

  5. Not having at least implied permission to be there

  6. Any actions with obvious ulterior motives ( this doesn't include the girl knowing you're only small talking because you're interested) this one you can get away with a lot of times if you're relaxed and not overly invested and the motive isn't actually some scary shit

Being too goal oriented could be chilling by yourself in a venue and only trying to approach attractive women. It's clearly all your doing.

Being too invested in the outcome could be fixating on one person or just simply being too invested, if it's going to devastate your life if this one action doesn't turn out favorably for you it will show.

Making people vulnerable could be approaching from behind, or being in a position people your interested in must pass by you or be subjected to you without options. Eg. Girl on an exercise bike at the gym as opposed to girl walking down the hall beside you at the gym.

Being an obvious mismatch could include things like , oh Im a 45 year old fat bald guy missing teeth and trying to hit on beautiful 20yr old college girls or professing your feelings toward someone who has never shown interest.

Not letting it go, well, kind of obvious, if you get a no just take it and go... hopefully in a friendly or at least disappointed manner.

Not having implied permission to be there would be you got the girls number from her HR file and texted her...you have no implied permission to show up in her txts

Let's take the Dobler scenario. Whether she liked him or not he would have been taken as creepy if.

A. She never showed interest

B. She had been in a vulnerable position rather than sitting in her room with him safely outside

C. He just couldn't have gone on living if she rejected it

D. She shouted , "I'm sorry I just don't feel that way about you" and he screamed " c'mon, you have to love me"

E. She was completely unaware he even knew where she lived

F. He was the married 40yr old dude from next door she made eyes at that one time. ( Super creepy, even if he had looked like brad pitt)

Had she not liked him and he simply accepted the rejection and walked away it still wouldn't have been creepy.

So maybe shes not interested or maybe you think the place is not appropriate...it won't really matter so long as you don't follow the rules of being creepy. Yes you get a bit of extra room in any of these if you are good looking, but it's really not the determining factor either.

Most of this could easily be described as just be chill, but a lot of people seem to struggle with what that means.