I'm 21 and a sort of a sperg, but Idk If I was born this way.

Just some background: When I was young my dad quit his job a lot so I moved to a different school every grade in elementary school and Junior high. Although early on I made friends everywhere I went, at a certain point I think I just stopped trying, starting over so many times.

We were kind of house poor. My dad got cancer when I was 12 and we couldn't afford much even though we lived in a relatively nice area. This affected me because I needed braces dearly and never got them. My teeth were appallingly crooked/gapped and, though I wouldn't admit it at the time, I was paralyzingly insecure about it. It didn't just look creepy, it was also a sign of low class that nobody else could relate to in the affluent area in which I lived.

After 8th grade I stayed in the same area but I didn't have all the connections everyone else seemed to. This was compounded by the fact that my parents didn't let me have a phone so it was hard to stay in touch with people. In 9th grade I could've pulled and I almost hit a stride, but it faded.

In high school you could count the times I participated in social functions on one hand. Oh sure, the hot girls knew me and always politely said hi, but we didn't ever fucking do anything.

It's been 3 years since hs and not a lot has changed other than finally getting braces on and off. I feel like I've missed out on a lot. I've never really had a serious relationship with anybody, and I still don't know how to form one. I guess I just feel like I'm damaged goods after all this time of not developing or progressing. At this point I don't know what to do. I'm smart and am going to make it financially in life, but I don't see the point when I can't seem to have any memorable social interactions or relationships. The funny thing is, you would have no idea that I'm this way just by looking at me. People are really incredulous when I tell them I've never kissed anyone, but it's true.

I'm a little jaded at this point. I know everyone's a victim, but I can't help but think that if I had a more stable upbringing then things would be different. I've got some things going for me, and there are definitely people who have it much worse than myself, but I'm still not sure how to let go and forget the past when it's a part of me.