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[–]dazcaptainunderpants 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Honestly it sounds like you need to stay doing the casual thing until you can work on these emotions of yours. Could be just your age and in 2 years you may want to settle down. But for now dont waste any guys time if theyre looking for a “real” long term relationship and you are not. If you were emotionally unavailable after 10 whole months…that would be the end for me too. Instantly.
[–]thering_2002 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And on another note, I’m perfectly okay with my boundaries being the way they are on an emotional front. I don’t see why I would have to develop anything for another person to feel more comfortable inside a relationship.
It is nice to feel like things are more open, because that involves i feel a more dynamic bond of trust than just simply the notion of putting your partner on a leash.
I don’t know, do you understand that I just am communicating here that I have certain boundaries that I feel more than comfortable with having?
[–]thering_2002 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I hear what you’re saying, completely, but that doesn’t mean that rationally I wasn’t looking toward a future with him.
We joked about getting married eventually and I was really okay with that. I don’t know. It sounds like from your comment, your understanding is that I wasn’t taking our relationship seriously.
I did. I just don’t think it met the emotional standards he was looking for or expecting from me.
After ten months it just seemed obvious to the both of us that he had more concerns with our interpersonal dynamic than I did.
We weren’t on the same emotional page, where as i’m more detached to emotionally bonding than he was.
Didn’t mean I didn’t care about him. Just not in the way he wanted.
[–]dazcaptainunderpants 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Right, but i would bet most people would want you to be pretty emotionally bonded at the 10 month mark. Especially if you too brought up marriage and you say that you would have been ok with that. You would need to be very bonded to a person before you marry them.
[–]thering_2002 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
The relationship just seemed very centered around me and what I was doing. What I was up to, etc.
I was fine with that, that may not be your cup of tea, however I didn’t have any problems with that dynamic.
At the 10th month mark, with my closest friends at least, there is very much a back and forth. Reciprocated emotional energy, emotional boundaries and mutual respect for the other person and their feelings.
However with this relationship, it felt very one-sided. I tried to provide what I could with being there “emotionally” but it never seemed like a great fit, so I stopped trying and let things proceed the way they did.
It didn’t seem like he understood anything I ever brought up to him about the topic. I would reference Summer from (500) days of summer here and Joseph gordon-levitt.
He just seemed in the same way, not understanding the things I told him in regards to anything about our relationship or me, and rather held me accountable for more things I couldn’t do or wasn’t interested in doing in that “emotional” regard.
Again, I bring up my close friends as an example of the experiential data I have that says, yes I am capable of having deep connections with people, I am just not capable of producing that with people who I am into/people who are into me. By that, I mean I felt attached to our dynamic but not to whatever he expected from me. He was not very clear about any of his terms, and only liked barking them at me after an argument.
I am or try to be clear about this from the start. I’m not sure how to proceed now other than being very cautious about the people i consider dating going forward.
My time and effort I put into a relationship is precious to me, as it should be for everyone else. When things fail, I at least know I tried my best to be honest and communicative, fun and easy going.
[–]dazcaptainunderpants 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well it sounds like there was other faults in the relationship and it wasnt a one sided street. I actually am having my own personal “emotional” issues that come up in relatioships as well and im planning to talk to a conselour to work through it since my employer offers 3 free sessions per month. If you work in corporate america you may possibly have that as an option, but regardless my personal opinion would be to talk to someone about it and see if theres a cause, if you are looking to get into another LTR and dont want to chance this happening again
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow this is exactly me…. Someone put it into words lol
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[–]dazcaptainunderpants 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]thering_2002 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thering_2002 -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]dazcaptainunderpants 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]dazcaptainunderpants 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link