Oneitis is seeking fulfilment, and often purpose, within another person.

It gives the sufferer a reason to be alive in this cruel and unforgiving world. A meaningful identity as the lover of this woman.

So many people seek relationships because they have no purpose or identity without one. Sadly, many pick-up newbies have never even had a sniff of female attention. So, when that one woman gives them this glimpse of meaningfulness, they become addicted to the daydream of what it would feel like to her boyfriend.

This gives the purposeless man something to live for. He is often convinced this woman is more special than any other. That's usually just the purpose-seeking brain playing tricks. In the pick-up community, we call it oneitis. Yet, these feelings could often easily be passed onto any woman who offers this glimpse of fulfilment.

These feelings of self-importance that stem from the fantasy of being in love with your dream woman are addictive. This is why the sufferer holds onto them for so long, even without a sign of the feelings being requitted. Often, the sufferer won't even make a move on his oneitis for fear of these pleasant daydreams being exposed as pure fantasy.

What happens when you get your oneitis woman??

The extreme neediness attached to oneitis means the sufferer rarely gets his girl. Purposelessness and low self-esteem don't do a lot to get the pussy wet.

But what if he did?

Do his feelings of unfulfilment and incompleteness disappear - or are they just hidden by this beautiful external thing he 'has'?

What happens when his external source of happiness shows signs of leaving? Often, he reacts with anger, extreme jealousy, possessiveness, emotional manipulation or even physical retaliation.

When she does leave, the withdrawal symptoms are similar to a drug addict going cold turkey.

Now, he faces the prospect of going back to pick-up from an even lower starting point.

How to avoid oneitis

Oneitis is an addiction. Every addiction rises from a refusal to face real-life pain.

To avoid it, you need to face up to what's making you feel incomplete without a woman, then make a plan to fix that.

Know you can't seek purpose in someone else. Find something that you love to do. Try new hobbies. Build friendships. Make a difference in your community.

Game is an incredible hobby (if you choose to see it that way). It's one that's highly recommended if you're prone to oneitis. Approaching tons of women will help you see that they're all flawed. It'll stop you projecting perfect qualities onto a particular one.

However, having a purpose other than chasing pussy will also help attract more of it into your life.

David Deida nailed it when he said: “A man’s highest purpose is his priority, not his intimacy. Your woman knows this. Deep inside, she really wants it to be this way.”

The true masculine has oneitis for his highest purpose, but allows a woman along for the ride.

Even when that special woman comes into your life, you should worry about the impact she'll have on your true purpose, rather than jump at the chance of her becoming it.

If you're struggling to approach or connect with new women, send me a DM and we can talk about how to turn it around.