Background about me. I am in my early 20's. Discovered TRP about a year ago but it made me even more depressed so I stayed away from it until November when I said somethings got to give so I decided to start reading. Read all side bar and have read N.M.M.N.G., a rational male, the way of men, how to win friends & influence others, art of war, and the manipulated man (the 1st book I read). Currently reading the power of now.

I have been lifting since a teenager PRIOR to the red pill and really started making some "TRP" changes even prior to discovering the red pill as I was fed up with how my life was going. I am not a virgin, actually started being sexually active at a fairly young age but when I started smoking pot at age 14 I let myself go... got fat, hygiene plummeted, used to be very well liked but became hated as I got in trouble with the law on a few separate occasions. I think my usage of pot and psychedelics has made me an extremely paranoid, anxiety ridden person.

Fast forward x amount of years, I lost 60 pounds, started to take better care of myself. I am well groomed and I'd consider myself fairly attractive and have a good physique but I am riddled with anxiety. I'm out walking down the street and I see a group of young kids and I literally get anxious. I'm on a walk on a bike path and I see a woman walking my way and I get anxious, "Do I say hello? Should I wave? No just look straight ahead." Are some of the annoyances that run through my head.

I hadn't had sex (although had gotten blowjobs, etc. from a few different girls in this time period) in 6 years and in January went on tinder and met up with a girl I matched with for sex. She was fat and at best a 4, I had gotten close to 20 matches in 3 days but was too chicken shit to meet up with any of the better looking girls. Every time I have had sex with her (its been 4 times total in about 3 months) I feel absolutely disgusted with not only her but more with myself. Its like a light goes off. I just want to get the fuck out of there.

I was in a relationship with a girl in 10th grade and was "madly in love" we had sex all the time as she would spend the night at my house (no condom ffs), talked about marriage, kids, (cringe) and one day when I was driving around with my brother and friends I caught her red handed with the guy that I beat up b/c he was talking to her. My first TRP truth without me even knowing it. Haha.

This fear and anxiety inside of me is overwhelming my every day life. I used to be extremely out going and well liked, but during my mid/late teen years I let the world get to me so much and through anger and depression and drug usage I just lost myself. Lost all my friends, moved around so many times (10 times total), and although I am not depressed anymore I want to regain my once happy, outgoing self.