Do you even know what you want?

Do you know why you're doing any of this?

Are you looking to escape?

Or are you looking for a way back in?

Do you know what you actually fear about all of this?

 

Life is not about finding the right answers, it's about asking the right questions. The answers to these questions are for you to decide and they'll be perfectly unique to you.

 

Recently I've gotten to a point in life where I really have stopped giving a fuck about what societal standards said I should be. I stopped giving a fuck about what others think of me because you know what it's God damn taxing. I have ran out of energy to further care about what I should or shouldn't be in reference to what I used to be or what others wanted me to be.

 

So these are my answers to those questions, and these come from my core.

  1. I want to be my primary source of happiness, others may take part in this and be minor sources but there actions will only be allowed minorly (if at all) to weigh me down. I have enough on my plate as it is and I don't have time for self pity.

  2. I learned game, and continue to learn more because of the unexpected byproducts from it continue to keep coming. I've learned more about myself through this process than I have about others and I really love who I am.

  3. I look to escape situations that cross my personal boundaries instead of fleeing to hide inside others. Part of loving yourself is not adhering to things that will not serve you in the present or in the future.

  4. I am continually trying to find that "inner child" within me who didn't know jachshit of what the world expected him to be and was blissfully ignorant to social conditioning. Because when I was kid I did what I wanted because it flowed through me and if I wanted to roll around in dirt I didn't think about, what if someone sees me and thinks I'm weird, I didn't even think "oh no they're weird because I'm fucking awesome and they don't know what they're missing". I just did it because I fucking had an urge to do so and didn't really think twice about it.

  5. I used to fear my hard work would never be enough to please anyone. I used to fear rejection because I didn't know how to handle it. I used to fear being alone. Now I no longer am afraid of these challenges to becoming my best self becasue that's something I DO for myself.

 

[Insert cliche motivational comment]

you know what if you're reading this, just put your phone down, or close your laptop. Just chill with yourself for like 5 minutes and realize that you can do one of two things. You can read this kinda shit all day long and never do shit with it, or you can ask yourself these same questions and try to answer them as best you can; instead of searching for answers online or through friends and family, just decide for possibly the first time in your whole life what you actually fucking want out of it. You only get one of these things, make it count, or don't, You're indecisiveness doesn't hurt me, only you.