It's not what you say, it's who you are

2015-04-30T11:57:33+00:00

This is not just text, it's irl interactions too. A lot of guys here don't get that.

You don't listen to what she says and respond with particular words.

You look at what she's doing, and adopt a particular vibe/frame.

Squand · 2015-04-30T12:19:28+00:00

Have you heard of the term outcome independence?

You want to make actions because those actions add value, or are sincere representations of your feelings, not because you're hoping/needing a specific outcome.

That's the inner game technique one uses to "stop caring if she replies."

When you text a girl or ask her out, you don't do it because you're hoping she will say yes, you're doing it to express your feelings, regardless of her response. You tell her about your day because you want to share that with her, not because you are hoping for something back from her.

In that same vein, don't stop calling/texting a girl because she doesn't respond and that means she's not interested. Stop calling/texting because you aren't interested in pursuing someone who doesn't respond often. If that's a value you hold, it's a fine reason to reject someone.

But if you aren't consciously making the decision to reject, keep escalating. Escalate until hard rejection or until you reject the girl. There is no magic number.

Yes, 3 unanswered phone calls is a sign of disinterest, but it's not rejection. "I don't want to go out with you." That's rejection.

I have many anecdotes from girls, from guys, and from my personal life where people gave soft rejections over and over -- way more than 3 or 4 times -- and then finally said yes and they ended up in amazing relationships and or married.

When a guy asks, "Should I call this girl, she hasn't called me back in like 3 tries?"

I ask him, "Do you want to date a girl who doesn't return phone calls."

If he says no. Then he's got his answer. If he says, "Yeah, what do I care. We barely know each other, I wouldn't make it a priority to return my phone calls either." Then the answer is yeah.

If you're outcome independent, if rejection doesn't sting anymore, go after what you want until you know you can't get it.

Title	It's not what you say, it's who you are
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	2
Date	April 30, 2015 8:59 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/34dpbj/its_not_what_you_say_its_who_you_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/its-not-what-you-say-its-who-you-are.1292226 https://theredarchive.com/post/1292226

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