Confidence and seduction in relationships... the crossover

I am currently in a nontraditional relationship with a woman where we both enjoy women. However she has some issues with her own image which then creates friction and problems between us. It turns on me as she uses a trick women tend to use which is when the woman is wrong they start making shit up about the guy to change focus.

I know this may be something in terms of frame. It also is in terms of confidence and not giving in to their crap. They are fairly strong with their instinctual tactics.

POINT

I have found many guys in our generation 30 and below and some that are older can't seem to stay strong and give in and become yes dear guys. As we all know that ends in misery and pain.

I would like to put up an announcement on reddit for women. A Public Service Announcement if you will. It will be something like:

"If you are a woman and have a hard time saying sorry you still should. Don't put blame on your man."

If someone has better wording let me know. I will be posting this in the next day or so. I may put it up in feminism or just reddit wide. Not sure where to point it but maybe someone can make a kick ass post about how it harms relationships and dynamics and I could link to that.

EDIT:

Published here:

http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/h6jfj/women_stop_shifting_blame_when_you_should_be/

[–]Karma_Be_Damned 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]side2 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I guess I can write it. I probably will make a new account name for it though. How about this as the post...

Relationships require a two way street. Men are constantly trying to defend themselves against attacks from the women they are with.

Sometimes their are situations where a woman is caught doing something she should not be doing in a relationship. Let's say the woman used to do drugs, smoke, drink excessively, cheat or whatever that they had agreed wouldn't happen anymore. Some people are cool with these things but when agreed upon it can bring an emotional response from the woman being caught doing something against what was agreed upon.

It is times like these that some women (not all but some) will try and shift the focus onto the man and blame him for countless reasons that are not true (in that couples situation) such as: not loving her, loving someone else, cheating, only wanting sex from her, being mean to her, etc. She blames him for things that aren't true so as to get him freaking out and so he stops bugging her about her actions.

The reason for this post women is this... we men will much more respect and cherish you if you just come clean and talk about the situation instead of shifting blame. This is destructive behavior and only will harm your relationship.

So today I would like to say to anyone using this tactic or any other tactic than truth...

JUST SAY YOU ARE SORRY AND TALK THINGS OUT

It isn't that hard. We love strong confident women that can buck up and just say they are sorry when they have done wrong. Women like knowing their men will say sorry when we need to be. We really don't want to hurt you but sometimes you drive us nuts. It is times like those that we will stray or dump you. Nobody likes being hurt so please be adult about things.

We are not Disney characters. We are not fictional story characters. We are human beings with real feelings, real stress, and real personal issues. Don't be dicks or bitches just be an adult and talk about shit.

Men are constantly told that we don't communicate. The reason for this is because many women enjoy shifting blame and resorting to all sorts of communication manipulations just to get out of even the littlest of problems they may have.

So once again ladies and gentlemen... be adult about things and try to communicate. Ladies... if you don't communicate we will continue to ignore you until you stop acting childish. We aren't pedophiles and as such we hate dating women that act like children. We want real women. Please be one.

[–][deleted] 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]side2 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TofuTofu 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]side2 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

Still needs to be said. This generation of women is shit. It also makes our men shit as well.

Women in our generation grow up thinking they can do anything. Men grow up thinking they can't do anything. Fuck that shit. Our seduction community is up against more than any generations before us. And relationships are the second part to seduction and I find it dispicable that I must suffer because they can't communicate like a normal human should.

Anyhow here is the article: http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/h6jfj/women_stop_shifting_blame_when_you_should_be/

It will go live later this week. Tofutofu I know you kick ass at women... do you find that you burn a lot of time by walling off women and not letting them change your frame because they can't be honest?

I'm aware that giving in is the worst thing ever but not giving in sometimes takes more time than it should and a lot of times kills plans, aniversaries, and families.

We can't perpetuate this daddy issues girls anymore. They are born into a family where mommy had daddy issues then father gets sent away hence perpetuating the cycle. Fuck that. We must do something about this. Seduction isn't just getting the women it's about getting them and keeping the ones we love. I hope that our community doesn't shy from that. Most relationship threads are all whiny bitchy threads not strong framed type advice like we provide. We need to provide that here. Sorry for the rant but I'd like to get those opinions I asked for.

[–]TofuTofu 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

Women are gonna be women, man. They're irrational (from a male viewpoint) and emotional creatures. I think mankind stands to benefit more from educating men about how to act in relationships than by preaching to women.

Here are the main points that if more men understood, we'd have a lot less of these issues:

1) Women want their men to be leaders. To take charge. To take initiative. Keep the leader frame and you'll mitigate these frustrations.

2) Women are constantly shit-testing their men. This begins the first time you meet them and ends with death. They constantly have to verify that their man is the 'real deal.' I cannot stress enough how important this is. If more men understood that it's perfectly acceptable for women to shit test their men (it's human nature), we'd have a lot less misogyny and anger. When a woman fucks up and "shifts blame," she is shit-testing you! Pass the test and don't let her! When you "give in," as you said, you fail the shit-test and the woman loses respect for you. Women WANT you to stand up for yourself and pass their tests. This is a HUGE misunderstanding that the AFC world clings onto.

3) Reward good behavior. Women want their men to open up emotionally to them. This is fine. But don't give it away for free. When your woman does something nice for you, or behaves in an "adult" fashion, reward it. This can be as simple as showing her a weakness or insecurity of yours. Or as elaborate as a trip to the Bahamas.

4) NEVER stop Push/Pull. Women have an innate desire for emotional roller-coasters. Give it to them. This keeps them intrigued and attracted.

[–]side2 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

Just because we know how to counter doesn't mean they should do it in the first place. Especially this tactic I am talking about.

I know it's a test and I never give in but that doesn't mean it is helpful to me in anyway. Especially because there are kids involved. I didn't get to see my kids on my birthday and a christmas because of her shit tests and having to wait her out.

There is a point where testing becomes insane and not reasonable. Games are fun until they start fucking your entire world up.

If not for the kids I would have bolted. I will probably say fuck this after this time because she went too far but I wanted to just say that it's fucked up and worthless sometimes and only harmful. When they push too far it's time to cut your losses and then that's where the games have gone too far.

Wouldn't you agree tofu?

[–]TofuTofu 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]side2 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]TofuTofu 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Then the proper way to pass that uber-shit test is to break up with her.

Reframe it: Why would she want to be with a man who doesn't have the self-respect to know when to get up and walk away from a shitty relationship? If you stay in the relationship after constant transgressions that you've warned her about, she will no longer have respect for you and it'll spiral into complete misery. And if you've never warned her about them before, then you've been failing her shit tests for months now. No wonder she has no respect for you. Think about it.

To understand shit tests is to understand women.

EDIT: I see you added the part about your kids to your post. That complicates matters. At that point, this is beyond the scope of internet advice and it's time to seek professional marriage counseling. Good luck.

[–]dawg1 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Confidence and seduction in relationships... the crossover
Author	side2
Upvotes	6
Comments	16
Date	May 7, 2011 11:36 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/h6d8w/confidence_and_seduction_in_relationships_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/confidence-and-seduction-in-relationships-the.1298663 https://theredarchive.com/post/1298663

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