Things got stale and we broke up- I have so many questions

J_A_B_88 · 2018-10-30T15:47:00+00:00

I think I read from a guide on here the trick for a healthy ltr is never stop being the man you were. Even if you're feeling unmotivated to do something new or to go do something with her, it's your job to do that anyways. Without that things get too comfortable and stale. You are the leader.

5ht2awesome · 2018-10-30T10:04:52+00:00

Had something similar happen, think I was too insecure or something

recyclablebanthas · 2018-10-31T05:34:55+00:00

1

I'd been dating this girl for 8-9 months and the sex was stupid good, like, my god. For the majority of the time it seemed like she was way more into me than I was into her even. She told me she loved me first. And recently in the last 3 maybe 4 weeks of the relationship things got stale. I think I stopped gaming her a bit and she wasn't the same either. We'd become an old married couple already.

Look, if things got stale in under a year, then it sounds like you had a good run of it, but it just wasn't in the cards.

Sometimes it takes a few months to find this out. That's just the way it is.

But the thing is, if it's actually a good serious relationship, then:

It won't matter who says the L word first.
It won't matter who seems like they're "more into it."
And it won't be like you're an "old married couple." Or stale. It will be fresh. It will be a partnership of you and her versus the world and everything it's throwing at you.
Good sex is not a bad thing, but it's just one pillar among at least 2-3 things you need in a serious relationship.
Relationships don't require constant "gaming." There should always be some level of "playfulness," perhaps, but you don't need games.

2

We were in an open relationship but it seems she's found someone else within days of the breakup. And she had gotten out of a bad relationship 1.5 months before we started dating. Is that a red flag I missed? Or is she just trying to make me jealous?

A lot to unpack here:

Why did you decide on an "open relationship?"
You act as if it's odd or a red flag that someone in an open relationship had someone ready to go within days of the break-up. But that's the point of an open relationship; you're giving the okay for both people to remain open to intimacy with others.
A possible red flag is that one or both of you needed this relationship to be "open" in order to agree to it.
Or maybe the red flag is that one or both of you agreed to it when you might have wanted a monogamous relationship.
It's possible that she still had stuff to solve or resolve about her bad relationship. But you've said little about her so I can't comment on this without a LOT more about what that relationship was like or why it ended, etc.
She's most likely with someone so soon because she wants to have sex, or found someone she's interested in. It's probably not about you. She most likely knew this guy for a while now and grew this interaction while she was dating you inside of that "open relationship."

3

What do you guys do when things start feeling stale?

There are things you should be doing for yourself, that, when translated into how you act in a relationship, will fend off staleness.

Always be trying to challenge yourself.
Always be trying to learn new things and try new things.

That said, these are things for YOU and really have little bearing on the long term attractiveness of a given partner for dating.

4

Being in an open relationship she slept with 2 or 3 other guys while I never got around to sleeping with anyone else (I'm still kinda weak when it comes to flirting) might this have been an issue?

This comes off more like you agreed to the open relationship because you really wanted it to work, and she was the one pushing it. It also comes off like she pushed for this sort of thing so she could have someone on back-up.

Would this be fair to say?

5

There were a couple little things like smoking and hygiene I was trying to help her work on, she ended up saying she thought I was more in love with the idea of what she could be than her? The changes were for her own good but did I push too hard?

Could be a little of two different things here:

You trying to change her and not date the person you were actually with.
Her own baggage; possibly she dated a controlling person before and so you reminded her of that.
Hygiene issues are often a sign of self-loathing. Under this context, someone who's slobby and smokes..... the smoking is often also under this category if I'm reading her right. As such, you trying to "help" her with these things would have come off as an intrusion and as you getting a little too close to things that are major, sensitive issues that she's apparently not ready to deal with yet.

And also, if it were a solid relationship, none of this would have been an issue. If you're clicking, then all sorts of topics will be on the table. Weight, fitness, diet, hygiene, cleanliness, housekeeping, etc. All sorts of non-sexy topics are just normal and easy to talk about if you're with the right person.

But if you're not with the right person, then any one of these topics could easily be the end of it.

Title	Things got stale and we broke up- I have so many questions
Author	nub_sauce_
Upvotes	1
Comments	5
Date	October 30, 2018 9:54 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9smelt/things_got_stale_and_we_broke_up_i_have_so_many/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/things-got-stale-and-we-broke-up-i-have-so-many.1300831 https://theredarchive.com/post/1300831

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