How did you truly believe that pickup could all work?

I am in my late 20s, I'd say I'm on the older end of the subreddit. All my life I have been AFC, the king of Betas in my crew. I never had an idea how it started, but that is the way it has been. Talking to women is always very difficult, and it is too fast paced for me. I cannot think off the top of my head, so once I get past the opener (which, but the way, rarely works), I am left swimming in confusion with no idea what to say. I've been with women before, but the it's always been on their terms meaning they liked me and sought me out, and I just kind of fell into things with them. I want to flip things around and be the one seeking and getting what I want. I'm also different in that I am kind of over hook ups, I'd like to find an LTR.

I've been trying to change myself up, been hitting the gym with solid swole results and compliments from others telling me I look great so I know that is working. Been reading seddit for a bit and trying a few things out.

One thing that I just can't get past is that when I am trying to talk to a woman and using some PU game, I feel like a fraud. A 100%, absolute phony. This stuff isn't me! Shit test answers? Negging? This is not me in real life, day to day situations. I feel like I am an actor just spewing lines, not myself. Once I get talking, I can't stand fluff. I crave deeper conversations, asking her questions and learning about her in general. I just like knowing who I am talking to, versus a tit for tat back and forth of playful one liners. From what I have read though, the playful fluff is favored by women, and since that is not me I just feel like it is forced when I try it.

I am pretty sure this is coming through in some way on the outside. I keep trying to "fake it till I make it", but in something like this that requires good body language, this whole fraud feeling is a big issue for me. I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt this way, and if they still feel this way and how to hide it?

[–]VMikeL 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

What you are apparently craving for is inner game. It's understanding the process, playing the game, but not being constrained by shitty conventions of rehearsed lines. I found an entertaining novelty of being able to repeat my actions for repeat results, but was subsequently stalted by a lack of progressive change to the overall picture - I was still an angry kid inside.

Almost a year ago, I decided to be totally honest, and it has changed things for the better in every aspect. I don't lie to others, I don't even lie to myself. I take total responsibility for EVERYTHING I do, so I think twice about stupid shit I would have otherwise done and blamed someone else for. As a result I've also been able to achieve more, communicate clearer, and critique myself with a balance of respect, cynacism and motivation in order to improve and build a much more satisfying lifestyle.

I'm not saying pure honesty is the best, and/or only way to get there, but it is my process.

NOTE: downsides include impulsiveness, and verbal diahrea.

[–]WalkThisWhey[S] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I was still an angry kid inside.

This is exactly how I feel. It's immature and irrational, but I am frustrated by my lack of success (success to me = genuine sustained interest from her) and it gets under my nerves because I cannot master the techniques required to be successful. With the gym it's about discipline in going, your diet, and good form. You can't just "work hard" at PUA, you have to be smart and that's where I feel I have failed.

I don't lie to others, I don't even lie to myself. I take total responsibility for EVERYTHING I do, so I think twice about stupid shit I would have otherwise done and blamed someone else for.

I think this approach can help my phony feeling. To often, if something bad happens and I eject I always say, "Welp no worries I'll never see her again", but maybe if I hold myself to a higher standard of honesty it might feel different.

[–]VMikeL 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You're actually wrong about a lot of these things. You are drawing these sweeping conclusions from a lack of knowledge. In the same way a person who has NEVER done exercise in their life would say "You can't work hard at the Gym like you can at Mathematics." There are thousands of techniques out there, all purpose built, generally built, or plain BS floating waiting to be picked up. Some are good for certain things, and others are good for others. In the same way bicept curls isn't going to help you get larger thighs, opening 1000000 girls isn't going to teach you how to build a connection.

You can practice talking to people every day, and slowly applying techniques, and moving forward to the next point (Start by opening, then trying to number close, then insta-date, then date close, then kiss close, then f-close.) And yeah, you have failed because you're acting like you know what you're talking about but you don't.

"I'll never see her again" is fine, but the truth to yourself is "Do I want to see her again?" Build yourself to be the guy who doesn't need to eject. Be the guy who women want to see again. Honesty = responsible. Responsibility is attractive. That said, don't go around judging and bashing this stuff before you know anything about it. All you've done is read routines and try them. There is a plethora of shit out there, and you've not even scrapped the surface.

Title	How did you truly believe that pickup could all work?
Author	WalkThisWhey
Upvotes	0
Comments	3
Date	September 2, 2013 10:35 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lkjby/how_did_you_truly_believe_that_pickup_could_all/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-you-truly-believe-that-pickup-could-all.1303911 https://theredarchive.com/post/1303911

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