I’ll start from the beginning. When we got together I was pretty red pill, won her over by saying I wouldn’t have sex with her. She was a virgin at the time, she was 15, I was 20....I met her because ALL of my friends were trying to get with her, unsuccessfully. I asked her out, and her mom sent her to boarding school 3 days later. I never committed to waiting, I talked to other girls; however, I happened to be single when she got back (I don’t have time to spin plates, I need an LTR in order to gain regular sex) we got back together, she thought it was some fairytale shit, I took her virginity, and sex was CRAZY for the first 18 months ( every day straight for the year of 2014).

​

ANYWAYS in May of 2015, we both got really sick (I have crohns, she has endometriosis) and sex came to almost a complete dead stop. We moved out of my moms together into our own place in 2016, she had ovarian cyst issues and I was pretty sick so still a dead bedroom. Ended up knocking her up one of the few times we banged, and she got an abortion. She said sex scared her after that. In 2017 we had a BIT more sex, but still pretty dead.

​

Fast forward to February of this year. I got 13k to go to school (fluke thing), and we moved into a larger apartment, I was starting to get healthy again, and she was fully healthy again. She turned 21 a few months before this, and liked going out a lot. By this point in our relationship I’m FULLY betafied because of the illness for so long. She stayed with me because although I almost died from it, I never missed a day of work and I never stopped fighting. Due to all of this, I was comfortable with her, and didn’t want to go out. I had school and work.

​

She started hanging out with a rapper neighbor closer to her age, and he had a homeless guy staying with him who wasn’t a HORRIBLE looking guy, he had just come from Texas by himself, and had nothing and nobody. Just a spontaneous move. My girlfriend has always said she would love to just “drop everything and move far way with me”. We had “the best valentines ever, the perfect day” according to her. And then a month later she’s acting really distant, and cold. Talking about homeless guy A LOT. Neighbor notices, and kicks him out (because he wanted my girlfriend’s pussy, she’s FAR out of his league). We run into him a few times, she’s VERY flirty. I stop getting affection, love, ANYTHING. I ended up finding the red pill. It was CLEAR that she wanted his dick, but due to me being her first and only, she didn’t now how to advance. (That whole situation can have a post of its own, so I’ll leave it at that. VERY apparent she wanted him).

​

I started applying red pill techniques, and slowly but surely I stopped hearing about Josh (homeless drunk guy); however, at the same time I was blowing through cash on going out with her because we weren’t and she wanted to. I felt I wasn’t showing value, and I wasn’t showing I could be fun, and doing that fixed it. The sex ROARED back to life, started getting regular head, started getting outdoor sex, spontaneous sex, the whole nine yards. We went on a 7 day vacation in July and I got sex every day, even on the beach. Everything was AWESOME.

​

After we got back, I was BROKE. We made it, but couldn’t do much in the way of fun. Sex still remained good and constant. I also have been lifting since April, and have become quite the good looking guy (swimmers body) her friends all tell her how hot I am now, and this is confirmed by me getting hit on by some 8-9/10 girls. My girlfriend is a SOLID 8/10, but I’ve never been hit on by girls that are as good looking as her. I’ve let her know this, and she gets VERY upset and jealous.

​

Fast forward to last weekend. The had an employee meeting, and she’s HUGE on Snapchat (not a lot of viewers, just posts a lot). She posted a Snapchat with her and another male co worker with heart filters around him, and another with a different filter while joking with him. Now this guy isn’t her type, not a bad looking guy, just not her type (ponytail, beard, middle eastern), I wasn’t upset but the feelings of when she liked Josh and all of that suddenly came back HARD. I started a small panic, “how could everything seem fine, I’ve been following everything red pill, and weird stuff is still happening?!” She got home, I gave her the cold shoulder for 4 hours, the whole time she’s BEGGING me to stop being upset, as she doesn’t know what she did wrong. I FINALLY break, and ask her why she thinks that’s okay to post that when we’ve been together for 5 years. She gets very defensive, tells me he’s hella ugly, not her type, and she was teasing him because he was annoyed about the filters, and her and all of her co workers always tease him because he always complains about not being able to get girls (so at this point, I’ve shown her I’m shook by a beta boy that’s the punchline of their jokes). I tell her I just find it disrespectful, because my friends follow her. She puts up a fight, and eventually says it was stupid, but that it was stupid of me to overreact. I went FULL beta, and said something like “I never even paid attention to other guys before Josh back in March and April, and now I feel like I do a little, so when I saw the post, it made me think bad things, but I’m working on changing that”. I told her I won’t ever put up with that behavior again, and I’ll leave if she ever acts like that again she says “ I thought we were solid, that I’d always be with you, except for cheating, you would HAVE to leave me”, I read this as a comfort test, and told her I would be there for her even through the bad.

​

The next day I didn’t call her all day while I was at work, and got home to her having her feelings hurt about that. I went on trying to reestablish frame, next day we had off together. She bent over the kitchen counter and pulled her shorts down, with little effort from me. I thought “awesome, I didn’t break frame enough to kill attraction”. Got turned down later that week, and got maintenance sex the day after I got turned down (once I’m in, it’s more than that, I make her cum and everything, she just wasn’t too excited before). Got denied again 2 days in a row after that, got maintenance sex Tuesday, she was kind of into it. Through me getting turned down, I have gotten less “I love you”, less spontaneous attention, she’s in her phone a lot more, and she seems irritable, im also getting “don’t tell me what I can and cannot do” whenever I try and stop her from buying something we can’t affoed right now (all of the money goes into my checking account, I handle everything, and give her an allowance). I also recently got a new younger girl as my store manager at work, and she hired 7 different attractive girls that ALL flirt with me at work, my gf knows about this because I tell her. The most recent girl was a 9/10, she was VERY threatened, that was on Friday of last week. Girlfriend said “well, don’t get mad about my Snapchat filters, when hot girls want your dick and make it known”

​

Today was our 6 year anniversary, and I just wasn’t feeling the love from her, I got head, but I had to ask, and she used a vibrator in the car while I was rolling a blunt, but didn’t finish herself, and didn’t want me to eat her out. Went out to a nice dinner, she wanted to go out to a bar after, money is tight for a few more weeks, so I just opted to go home. She got mad and told me I was “uptight”, and need to “let loose”. That turned into a small argument, we got home I went into my office, and hung out she asked what I was doing and said she wanted to hang out. I came and hung out with her she was on her phone. I asked her what she was doing and she got upset, and told me that she feels like she has to defend herself since the whole josh thing (she vehemently denied wanting the guy, even though one of her girlfriend broke girl code to tell me) told her that “I don’t care what you do, do whatever you want”, followed by “if you ever even considered leaving me for a homeless alcoholic with no job, car, money, and an active criminal record, pleas fucking do. You had feelings for him, it’s whatever I don’t care. You’re with me”.

​

We came inside, got a spontaneous I love you. I started rubbing her feet, they were on my lap, she said “I give you head, you give me foot rubs”, and laughed. Got another love you, and she fell asleep.

​

Few add ons. She doesn’t really like to kiss during sex, kisses have become less passionate since the fight over Snapchat, she told me “I don’t really get excited for sex anymore, until you’re doing it, then I’m into it and it feels good” today, she does have endo and sex is sometimes painful, also I’m not small, and I hurt her sometimes. So she could have negative feelings around sex. She wraps her arm around her as we walk, and is very adamant about being able to do that, she’s very afraid of me even looking at other girls. She also tells me a lot lately that I “don’t care”, or that “why are you with me” to which I respond with agree and amplify usually. She has started telling me lately “you always have a sarcastic remark for whatever I say, it’s frustrating”

​

I guess two points in posting all of this, first being to get this all out in an articulate manner so I can make sense of the roller coaster of a relationship I’ve had this year.

​

Second point is, where do I stand. Have I broke frame that hard? Am I in good standing? Have I failed too many comfort tests? Am I over thinking it all? I have a feeling that oxytocin is destroying my ability to hold frame.