What's the role of male-group banter in establishing dominance heirarchy? What's your experience?

JordanRedfort · 2018-09-04T13:03:13+00:00

• Learn how to make and take a joke.

• Don’t be the punching bag or the easy target of the group.

• Don’t be a complete savage; nobody likes an asshole.

• Know your target. Even though they might be smiling, you might have just poured gasoline on a fire. Everyone responds to banter differently, and you might have struck a nerve.

Personally, I’ve cultivated a personality where I don’t open my mouth often. When I do, however, I’m immediately met with laughs and smiles for my originality and brutality. You effectively place yourself at the top of the dominance hierarchy as people wait for the next time you spit fire. I’m known as a savage but not heartless, and will gladly go out of my way for my friends.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-09-04T13:06:04+00:00

You "dominate" by demonstrating worth to the group. It's hard to say specifically because different social groups value different things. If you can't personally excel at the skills of a group, you can often make up for it by creativity and contribution (ie I had a buddy who loves soccer culture, but he's not very good at playing himself. So he makes banners and hosts tailgate parties with other fans, sells merch ect. There is no soccer fan in the city that doesn't know the guy, lol. Some of the players have gotten to know him, too, after a while. He's had teams buy his friends rounds at bars.)

But outside of group-specific skills, remember that you get more with honey than vinegar. If you go into a social group thinking "rar, I'm gonna DOMINATE my way to the TOP and make everyone have to submit to me", that sense of heightened competition can come through as aggression and rudeness. Instead, you should have the mindset of "I'm going to be the chillest man here." (Hint: "keeping frame" is another way of saying "keeping chill" - you know yourself, your confident in your own worldview, and you don't get dragged into other people's daily drama.)

Encourage other people to tell you about themselves, and make a point of remembering what they say later. The "alpha" of a group is the person that brings everyone together, so you have to actually build a lot of one-on-one rapport with the individuals in that group to gain their support and trust.

If you say "Let's go to a bar tonight" to your buddies, but all they know about you is that you're constantly arguing with them and trying to prove yourself right to establish "dominance" over them, they aren't gonna want to go to the bar with you. But if they know your ideas tend to pan out, that you can keep extended social cohesion and that talking to you always feels easy and fun, congrats~

Title	What's the role of male-group banter in establishing dominance heirarchy? What's your experience?
Author	mongoose9610
Upvotes	1
Comments	2
Date	September 4, 2018 12:48 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9cvaay/whats_the_role_of_malegroup_banter_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/whats-the-role-of-male-group-banter-in.132042 https://theredarchive.com/post/132042

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