First, a big thanks to this community because I have learned quite a whole lot. This is more of a self-improvement type of thingamajig i want to talk about situational anxiety.

A little about myself: Consider myself pretty good looking except sometimes i get really self conscious about my teeth because they are pretty crooked but working on getting them fixed so pretty excited for that. so maybe when im around 21 they will get fixed and i can hit the bars as well. Yippee! Im gonna be smiling at everything.

Alrighty moving on. So today i had a group presentation for class. A week prior, i planned to take .5mg of xanax to be able to go through the presentation without my voice cracking and my chest tightening up. I am aware of the dangers of benzos and i will never underestimate its power to grab a hold of your entire life. it is the epitome of a double-edged sword. The presentation went well, didnt get stumped not knowing what to say, mainly because i practiced the whole thing the night before and an hour prior. My inner game was pretty solid. No AA at all. Talked to people in my group like we were already close, i didnt give a fuck about others opinion about me and had the "not give a fuck" mentality up and running. i was pretty outcome independent, and just talked to people for the hell of it. People want to be talked to.

After our class we were walking out of class together and just talked, the xanax i took for anxiety also made me not withdrawn into my head too much and was able to keep the conversation going. i wasnt expecting anything out of this interaction. and after we parted ways i realized i could have asked her out for coffee or something because she just said that she had an hour before her next class and i stated way earlier that it was my last class of the day and i was free. But oh well. I dont know where this post is going. oh yeah. The xanax effects is kinda comparable to alcohol's ability to make you confident. I took a small recreational dose a long time ago and it felt like i was tipsy.

Now i know my capabilities, i know i can overcome my SAPness, I am not going to do it depending on this drug. As i will only take it when it's absolutely necessary for a good grade or something. I have looked into propranolol for presentations in the future. It is a beta-blocker. It can only help with the symptoms of the situational anxiety like heart palpitations, shaky hands, etc. and will still keep you in your head, unlike xanax, like you can still be nervous as hell in your head but outside seem chill and talk without breaking a beat.

Sorry for the [-L-o-n-g W-a-l-l o-f t-e-x-t-]. Any tips on how i can achieve today's level of greatness without taking drugs?