This topic isn't a mainstay on this subreddit or TRP itself I suppose and usually when it is brought up is along the lines of a non-existent father or extremely BP father. I know that in a world of 7B this story isn't special but I'm at wits end and don't know where to go from here anymore.

I'm 22 years old and live at home with my relatively affluent parents from immigrant backgrounds (Latino and Eastern European).

As a baby/kid my parents paid me a lot of attention and were excellent parents and we had a great relationship; the two of them were out of shape and ate unhealthy but always forced me to eat healthy and enrolled me in various sports and classes and by the age of 3 I was due in part to them already reading on my own. In school I always caught onto topics quickly and with ease and my dad would always help me with my STEM homework and my mom my more arts courses. I was forbidden from watching teletoon/ytv/disney and could only watch Discovery/NatGeo/AnimalPlanet/etc during the epoc when these channels actually broadcast quality programming.

Right up until 18 I was a massive momma's and daddy's boy. I do have sister but definitely feel that growing up my dad especially exhibited some favouritism towards me. Very strong relationship, gave me a straight head and my dad would always espouse relatively redpill advice for my age. "talk to girls, don't be shy, I don't care if you have sex at 14 but wear a condom, school comes first, work hard, fill your mind with valuable things, etc"

In first year university I was still very attached to home and to my parents and we had a good relationship.

In second year university I went out for the first time and got plastered which sent me down the course towards being the socialite I am now. I started hanging out with my friends on campus a lot more, hanging out after school and began neglecting school. In third year I took a turn for the worst after the summer between 2nd and 3rd year when I experimented with various drugs and in the first semester of 3rd year I abused weed, drinking, psychedelics be it LSD or RC's, benzos, smoking, etc. Relationship with parents deteriorated but they were and remain unaware of any of my substance use and think I just lightly drink occasionally. (I do continue to use all the above however at very infrequent rates and have solved all the problems that I was using the drugs to run away from and so the usage is purely recreational every now and then with friends)

In the 2nd half of 3rd year I did an exchange abroad where I cleaned my act up and got serious about engaging with reality again and returned a very different son and the relationship with my family normalized and I became very close to my father again. First term of 4th year I had an internship in a city 500km from my hometown and my father would drive all the way down every 2-3 weekends to hang out and everything was great.

2nd term of 4th year we lived under the same roof and I noticed he started getting upset at me over the little things. If I forgot to clean the espresso machine after using it a 30-60min massive blowout would ensue. If I forgot to restock the fridge with sparkling water after finishing the bottle a massive blowout would ensue and then be brought up for weeks afterwards. My home enivronment became toxic and I began leaving for school earlier than needed and coming home later than I could've been.

This summer I had an internship in a city only 200km and as my parents moved me my mom joked that "if in Toronto you were visiting him every 3 weeks then now you're be visiting him every weekend" to which he starkly replied "Yeah this time will be different" and even though I'd keep up with him on the phone I could tell his demeanor had changed and he was always irritable and short tempered and agitated and he visited a total of 0 times.

I 2 weeks ago moved back and got screamed at for not mowing the grass the first day I came back, yelled at for forgetting about the espresso machine last week for 60 mins and then screamed at some more about January's related incidents which at this point have been over 8 months ago.

When I try to talk about my personal life or academic life he replies with uh-huh's, ya's, okay's and hmm's now and only ever continues the conversation if he has something negative to say about me or to remind me to do x, y or z

He claims on almost a daily basis now that I'm treating my time here like a hotel and that I don't contribute to the house even though I do my chores/duties 9/10x and then that 1 time that I forget or postpone it have to face a blow out as if I do 0 things. I've in the past asked to my own laundry to which I was told "lmao just let mom take care of it, you have better things to do", when I've taken the dog get told "I want to walk the dog/let your sister walk the dog, don't be late to class/networking event/social event/etc" and even when I insist and move to go do x/y/z get told "stop, for real don't worry about it etc"

But then when he get's in a bad mood and goes the fuck off "you don't contribute, you don't walk the dog, you don't do your own laundry, you don't cook" I literally feel like I enter some absurd/surrealist plane of existence whenever he sets foot in the house. He went from being a man with level headed thinking and emotions to acting like a total girl bitch who's inconsistent because his emotions now run his life.

I go to talk to him to try and talk out our problems and he blows up at me and yells and goes into a rage and refuses to hear my side of it and walks away from me.

It's literally a fucking lost cause and it sucks because as a kid I really loved him and looking at photos of him from before he lost a lot of weight makes me miss the days I had that type of relationship with him. I prefer the fat version of my dad to this new drama queen bitch skinny version.

Really goes to show that at the end of the day we're all in this alone. Friends come and go, siblings sometimes fade out of the picture, girls should never be expected to hang around forever anyway, and yeah even your parents can drop out of your life one day.

I've got 8 more months to go of living at home to finish up school after being delayed because of my exchange abroad and internships and then if the dynamic when I leave is the same I'll maybe visit once a year as a token gesture to my mom and cut ties with my dad altogether.

It hurts for sure because while it sucks to have never had a dad in the equation if you never had one, you can't know what it's like to lose one. And my "father" is still alive in the flesh and seeing him walk around but no longer feeling love towards him or considering him in my mind as "papa" really makes me sad and it produces a low grade depersonalisation/derealization when around him because I don't know who the fuck this guy is anymore and can't act myself around my own father anymore.

If anyone has any advice to give I'd really appreciate it. I have a lot of close friends that just a few days ago stuck their necks out for me in the heat of a moment like I on certain level knew they would, I'm physically active and fit, keep my mind engaged and focus on school a lot and have good career prospects, am good with girls; but then having this estranged relationship with my father while still living with him really puts a dark cloud over my entire life sometimes.

/vent